Top 12 Horror Cliches A.K.A. the Halloween Drinking Game

Hello loyal readers, and welcome to another edition of Dustin's Dirty Dozen. I am going to leave you all this Halloween by giving you a drinking game to help you celebrate, with the top 12 horror cliches. These scenes are so frequent in horror that it is almost guaranteed that you will be able to name at least two dozen movies with the cliches in them. So go ahead, get your alcohol flowing and let's begin.

12) Following eyes

Take a shot every time a pair of eyes in a painting or on a doll follow the hero. This cliche is so ridiculously old that you will see it in old movies from the fifties (meaning that it has been around for over half a century), and it still used today. One of the more recent movies I can think of is "Dead Silence," where the entire movie is based around dolls, and the most movement you get from them is a little eye following. I know what prompted this, it was the fact that artists use this trick, and it used to mess with peoples minds (probably still does if you dropped enough acid that day). Whatever the reason it is here gracing so many movies, it needs to go away. Forever.

11) Motion to the motionless

Take a shot every time something moves on its own that is not supposed to. Take two if you watched just as much "Kids WB!" as I did, and get the reference of the picture above. Whether it's a rocking horse or a piano playing all by itself, this "creepy" movie moment has graced more screens than dick has graced porn. I know what you are thinking. "Wouldn't following eyes fall under this category?" and the answer is only sometimes. A lot of times wandering eyes on a portrait is just meant to show that someone is watching the main character on the other side of the wall. This is more general, as in a possessed toy or a picture falling off the shelf without anyone touching it. The most recent movie I can think of that embraces this embarrassing cliche would be "Insidious" or the sequel. This cliche is so apparent in horror that it made at least two horror franchises, "Child's Play' and "Paranormal Activity." 

10) Car window scare

Take a shot every time the main character jumps from someone standing outside there car or something happens to the character from the car window. The car window scare is another classic having been around for what seems like eons (but more like a couple of decades). It is also a cliche that has evolved through time. It used to be the antagonist tapping on the window, and scaring the shit out of the protagonist, or just standing there looking creepy. Now, it is the antagonist punching through the window or throwing something deadly at the protagonist. Like in the "House of Wax" remake it was a javelin, that eventually gave a very fitting end to Paris Hilton. I have a feeling this started from an old urban legend where a woman was scared into accidentally hanging her boyfriend, but whatever the reason it has definitely been around for too long.   

9) Possession of a loved one

No, not drug possession (although that is the joke of the picture above) take two shots if that is what you were hoping for. Now, take a shot every time a family member or friend gets possessed by a spirit of some kind. Yes, this gem got started by "The Exorcist" and is put in movies where it doesn't even follow the story line. Mainly, I put it on here for there being so many movies about possession flooding the market, the most recent being "Insidious 2." Feel free to make another drinking game on how many movies you can IMDB or Google, with this as one of the hooks in it. I guarantee if you take a shot for every one you won't be able to remember anything past playing the game.

8) Monologue

Go ahead and chug as many beers as it takes for the antagonist to get done with his speech. Doesn't matter how fast you do it, you'll still get a buzz. For a while I thought this was a practice specifically reserved for comic book villains, but I guess this cliche doesn't discriminate based on genre. This just recently became a problem for me after watching "The Curse of Chucky," wherein our antagonist has the crippled protagonist and by all rights should be stabbing her to death. Instead, he starts a speech trying to explain the method to his madness. In the end it turned out that he viewed death in a broad sort of way and the girl ended up living. After you are done drinking I want you to join me in sighing that this annoying hero could have died, but instead will grace our screens again most likely.

7) "I'm sure that guy is dead now... where did he go?"

Pretty simple, take a shot after a villain is assumed dead and turns up missing, or starts moving in the background behind the relieved hero of the film. I also want you to take another shot if you feel that you could have survived the alleged killing blow. There is a very easy way to explain why a fair amount of horror movies have so many sequels, and that is because the iconic villains are hard to kill. Whether it is bringing Freddy Krueger into the real world and shooting him, or putting something through the eye or Michael Myers, this cliche has shown up too many times. Again, now that we have a new Chucky movie, this cliche has reared its ugly head, and I imagine it will for years to come. 

6) Clumsy hero

Take a shot after a character in the film shows they have zero depth perception, take two if it results in the character's death. This sequence of tumbles and spills has been made fun of by spoof movies for so long it is almost not worth mentioning anymore. At least it wouldn't be if the franchise stopped embracing this stigma. I don't know what horror movies have against the mentally handicapped that can't seem to take two steps without tripping over their own feet, but whatever it is they feel like making these characters pay for it with their lives. Speaking of the mentally handicapped let's add going upstairs to run away from something in a house that more than likely has a front door. I feel that failing to realize this simple fact of architecture makes a character not only clumsy, but stupid to the point that they shouldn't be allowed outside without parental supervision. 

5) Car trouble

Just take two shots, it might help you get over being able to call this before it happened. Take three if the car trouble sounds like something you could fix, right then and there. I guess that every character in a horror movie feels like getting their cars from a junk yard, and only intends for the car to make it to the location of the film. I feel like if these characters would simply run away instead of stopping to try to get in this allegedly safe steal box, (with easily breakable windows surrounding them) they'd have at least a slightly better shot. Even if they are not running away from anything and they are in a haunted house, I feel that they should take the time to way the options of staying in this dangerous place because of car trouble, or hoofing it back to somewhere safer. 

4) "Let's split up gang!"

Take a shot for every character in the group that goes off in a separate direction. I guess Fred said this best (and with the most zeal), and even if the supposed leader of the survivors doesn't have Fred's appeal the characters are sure to listen to them. There should be a public safety announcement about strength in numbers, or one person is sure to be killed by a psycho where many could survive. It would go something like "Only you can prevent your leader from being an accomplice to homicide," and have some cute little knife wielding maniac as the mascot. Stay together if you want to survive, should be the first rule of survival. Plus, if you leave the group what are you going to eat in the event of a cave in?

3) "You stay here while I check out that disturbance"

Take a shot if the only physically intimidating character goes off to check out a mysterious sound, kill the rest of whatever you are drinking if it kills the people he was trying protect. Another cliche embraced by the horrible "Insidious" franchise (that unfortunately doesn't end up with his family dying as a result of his mistake). I think that it should though. If you are stupid enough to leave your family in an easily accessible place while there is weird shit going on, you don't deserve to be the protector of that family and should feel the loss from your mistake. That may be a bit cold hearted but you know what, killers and specters are more cold hearted. On a less depressing note, it should at lest result in the "hero's" death, so the less intimidating person can hopefully make the correct choice.

2) Electronic interference

Take a shot for a baby monitor going off by itself. Take two for a radio not being able to hail anyone. Take three for a cell phone not having signal or a phone line being cut. Take four if you don't have signal right now. The setting for each movie is a dead zone for technology, done and done. Whether it is "no WiFi" or the more archaic "no dial tone," it is just expected that if you live in the realm of horror movies you will not have signal. I guess everyone has Metro PCS in this world. Ba Dum Bum Tiss.

1) Mirror Scene

Drink if this tactic was used in the film. Drink until you get liver poisoning if you got scared by it, maybe that will harden your resolve to stupid cliches. There is no reason to be scared by this ploy anymore, it is done, it died somewhere in the seventies with slasher flicks. They keep trying to make this relevant in the horror market today by changing it up, and it keeps failing. It used to be someone stands in front of a medicine cabinet, opens it, closes it, and there is someone in the reflection behind them. Than it went through the same play without someone standing in the reflection, the character turns to leave the bathroom and the antagonist is in the doorway. After that, it turned to people not even being able to look at the reflection a second time, because the killer is too busy shoving their face into the mirror. Now, it is just a sign that someone is going to die, or get seriously injured in this scene. The directors have now gotten so lazy with this cliche that they don't even work at it anymore, they let you do the work for them. Usually, that is good for a horror, in this case it is just failing at every attempt to direct something useful in the world. There is only one reason for a reflection being in a horror movie, and this is it. Please don't propagate its use by spilling your popcorn all over the poor person next to you.

Honorable Mention) Zombies

Just drink. Much like the main villain, zombie merchandise is popping up all over the entertainment industry. Video games, comic books, movies, television shows, the list goes on and much like the zombies will keep going on and spreading. So drink. Drink until you throw up than drink some more. Hopefully by the time our collective hangovers are done these revitalized characters will be back where they belong. In the ground.

Next time on Dustin's Dirty Dozen: Top 12 Non X-Men roles of the "X-Men: Days of Future Past" cast I may be a little premature in my giddiness for "X-Men: Days of Future Past," but the trailer looks amazing and I need to honor that.