Top 12 Horror Remakes

Hello, loyal readers, and welcome to another edition of Dustin's Dirty Dozen. This week I give you some movies to put in your instant queue on Netflix for Halloween by counting down the top 12 Horror Remakes. Now, some of these movies do have flaws; some of these movies live up to the legends that are their predecessors; and some even excel past their predecessors (like all remakes should aim to do), but they are the best of a genre that can't quite find its stride or audience. This will not be followed up with a list of top 12 worst horror remakes, because more than likely if it is not on this list it is bad. So lets get this revamp going!

12) The Omen

The original "The Omen" was a classic and will live on in horror legend for years to come, so that our grandchildren will be able to enjoy its masterful work. The remake may have fell short on living up to the legend, but it was still fun to watch. The Damien that we are reintroduced to (Seamus Davey-Fitzpatrick) is generally creepy, and does a fantastic job of trying to replace the original (Harvey Stephens). After that the movie starts to fall a bit flat. Julia Stiles isn't the best of actresses, and we see exactly why that is when she plays Katherine Thorn. The shock values are a bit predictable and the movie begins to drag on at certain points. If you were a fan of the original, this movie might seem like a far stretch from it, but if this is your first time being introduced to the series it will be worth the watch. Even if only for Seamus Davey- Patrick.

11) Psycho

Much like the movie above, the original "Psycho" is sealed in the vault of amazing horror movies. The remake is the exact same movie beat for beat, with new actors and color, and that is my biggest complaint against it. Fortunately enough, it isn't a big enough complaint to completely write off the movie as bad. In fact, the cast in this movie more than makes up for that grievous oversight. When you take William H. Macy, Viggo Mortensen, Anne Heche and Julianne Moore, then put them in a movie together expectations will be high, and they do not disappoint with the performances put forth here. Surprisingly, the real scene thief in this was Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates, breathing new life into a tired character. I don't know if it was just me being surprised about him playing a character so far out of his norm, or if he actually did a good job, but whatever it was I loved it.

10) The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

The original "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" didn't really do anything for me. Somehow, it got marked as a classic by audiences, but I'm not a member of that crowd. The remake let me see what so many people from the seventies were talking about. There were a good amount of "jump scenes," and they got Jessica Biel to play her one and only horror role before she got too big. Not to say that this movie was perfect by any means. The gore was a bit too over the top for how serious they were trying to take themselves, and they tried to play the leatherface character to death. If you are looking for something like that, and want to spill your popcorn all over the floor, this movie is highly recommended.

9) Friday the 13th

I was a bit harsh on the old teen fetish, hockey fanatic in my last issue (however good those reasons may have been). The closest he ever came to scaring me was in the remake, and that is good enough (at least for the purpose of this list). There were some generally scary parts, but that is not the reason this movie is so high up on the list. In the remake Jason tries to reinvent the horror market by killing off the would-be hero of the movie fifteen minutes into it. That is enough for me to say this did well as a remake by taking the piss out of its predecessors, in addition to the inventive new ways that Jason finds to kill the trespassers of Crystal Lake, like barbecuing them in a sleeping bag. 

8) The Hills Have Eyes

Another remake that was based off of a movie that was too over-hyped for its legacy. The remake of "The Hills Have Eyes" was actually leaps and bounds better than the original. It was just so over the top with the atomic freaks and gore that it caught my attention. It came close to making me physically ill when I saw the rape scene. The asshole of the movie turning out to be the hero was inspiring, and was close to being game changing for the industry. I don't know if it impressed me enough to say that it deserved a horrible sequel, but it was damn worth the price of admission.

7) A Nightmare on Elm Street

In case my last issue was too subtle, I love Freddy Krueger. As stated before, Jackie Earle Haley does an amazing job at re-imagining the character as a killer, as opposed to a comedian. Freddy was again the killer he was meant to be: No quips, no inventive killing, just going into your dreams and messing up your world. Rooney Mara gives a fantastic performance as poor, misunderstood heroin Nancy Holbrook, not necessarily a new role for her but a deserving one. In every way this remake does what a remake is supposed to do, and that is to take a series and hold it in a new light under the eyes of an imaginative director. Since that director (Samuel Bayer) was new to the world of the silver screen it is just that much more impressive. 

6) Dawn of the Dead 

When this movie came out (before the zombie craze sweeping the nation) it was a new and imaginative way to look at the swarm. It let us think about what it would be like if the zombie menace could actually run, and that concept is horrifying. The directing was masterful and showed us just what Zack Snyder had to offer the world before he recently ruined his image. The acting was surprisingly good for a horror movie; though, I guess I shouldn't be surprised with Ving Rhames being part of the main cast. It was just good (even surprisingly good at points) and you should all put it in your list of zombie movies to watch. Though, I know that list is seemingly endless at this point.

5) Halloween

Much like Rob Zombie's music career, his directing career started off strong and is beginning to fall short of expectations. Since I am not a music critic, I will simply say that there is no greater example of his directing talents than the remake of Halloween. It took the series by the throat and reinvented it into something much more dark and brutal. I am still waiting for young actor Daeg Faerch to take off as something more than just "that one creepy kid," but if that is to be his identifier for the rest of his day, at least it is fitting. Tyler Mane is typecast again as a behemoth, but luckily fits the character of Michael Myers so well that it isn't something I can hold against him. If Rob Zombie could take hold of remaking another horror series (say Child's Play) I think he would not only improve upon the original, but get his career back on the right track.

4) Fright Night

I heard a great amount of trash talk against this movie when it first came out, so some predispositions followed me into the theater when I went to see it. This is an example of a movie that can not only change my predisposed mind but also impress me with actually being quite good. I think the reason it got such bad press was because people were expecting a scary movie but instead got a good action movie, which isn't bad, just different. It might have been from viewers having a negative opinion about Colin Farrell, but he actually did very well with his role in this. I can only hope that it wasn't for Anton Yelchin's performance, because that kid excels in everything he does in terms of acting; this is no exception. Give it a chance, people; it might not scare you, but it will definitely entertain you, which in the end is what a movie is supposed to do.

3) The Amityville Horror

This movie and my number 2 are one of the few horror movies released within the past ten years to actually keep me entertained throughout the entire running time. This movie also scared the living hell out of me, which is another impressive feat for horror movies released within the past decade. Ryan Reynolds gives a career defining performance as crazed father, George Lutz. It introduced us to up-and-coming actress Chloe Grace Moretz, who actually did extremely well in her formative years. This movie gave a breath of fresh and frightening air to an otherwise dead series and, luckily enough, it didn't prompt a slew of sequels as its predecessor did. Whether you believe the "true story" or not, this movie is worth the watch.

2) Evil Dead

I don't know if it was the most terrifying film I experienced, but it was definitely one of the goriest. The gore was so over the top that I actually did become physically ill after watching it, which makes this movie the first movie to do that to me (take that "Cloverfield"). I know a movie has to be more than just gore; however, this movie was so over the top with gore, it's hard to ignore as one of the defining positive points. I know most people that saw this said that it was too much, but what they have to understand is that this movie was also an homage to a film that embraced excess. Some fans of the original didn't go and see this movie because they stood by the theory that there could be no "Evil Dead" without Bruce Campbell. While I respect and honor Bruce Campbell as one of the most understated actors of our generation, "Evil Dead" is so much more than his geek legend. It is campy, cliche, and over-the-top to the point of being bad in most people's opinion, but in the eyes of those who view it for what it really is, it is a masterpiece. A masterpiece that will hold a special place in my heart for the rest of my life.

1) The Thing

No, I am not talking about the god awful prequel released in 2011 starring Mary Elizabeth Winstead. I can guarantee that there are people reading this that didn't know this movie was a remake of the original, "The Thing from Another World" released in 1951. Unfortunately, this movie has been around for over thirty years so I can't really bring anything new to the table in terms of opinion. It was just scary. Even with dated effects, it still manages to give viewers a chill down their spine. It takes the "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" concept and starts at ground zero with a more violent end to the original host. It strengthened John Carpenter's already extensive and impressive career resume, and gave us scenes that can be repeated for years to come. This is a movie that will not be soon forgotten.

Honorable Mention)When A Stranger Calls

Starting off as an urban legend to scare babysitters turned movie, the remake did little to impress audiences. At least it had Tommy Flanagan as the stranger, so I guess you can watch it to see Chibs from "Sons of Anarchy" play a more homicidal psycho.