Top 12 Drug Comedies

Hello loyal readers, and welcome to another edition of Dustin's Dirty Dozen. This time we celebrate the holiday of left overs by listing the movies that give us the munchies, with the top 12 drug comedies. These are movies specifically about drugs or just with funny tripping scenes, and they are all comedies. Last issue I preempted this list by saying "Drug Movies," but I realized that there are way too many selections if I don't specify the genre. So with that, let's toke up and count off.

12) Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny

This movie celebrates a comedic band whose lead singer happens to be a major motion picture star. It is also pretty damn funny in its own right. Whether it is just the hilarious songs done by the band the movie is about or just the plot itself, this movie will have you rolling. Since this movie is about a band, obviously there are going to be a lot of drugs in it. The opening to the movie is an animated version of the band smoking a very large blunt, so it prepares you for what to expect. The top scene in this movie is when they are smoking weed and Kyle has control of the television. Jack wants to change the channel and Kyle says "when you can snatch the remote from my hand, you can choose the channels we watch." I would say that this movie hit home for me in a universe where I got high since "that me" would love watching kung fu while high; however, since this universe is read by people who frequently piss test me, I won't say anymore than that.

11) Get Him to the Greek

Let us just assume from this point forward that if a movie has something to do with a band or singer (even a fictional singer) it will have a fair amount of drug use in it. This movie was more comedy than drug comedy, but it had one of the best trip out scenes I have seen. Sure, you have the morale of the story being some sort of "the spotlight of Hollywood is addicting and tainted" or whatever, but that all goes out the window with this scene. It starts with Aaron Green (Jonah Hill) doing a mysterious drug called Jeffrey, this leads to him going through a bad trip and Aldous Snow (Russell Brand) having him stroke a furry wall to keep him calm. Things start to fall apart during this scene for our main characters, and throughout everything that is going on, Aldous makes sure that Aaron is stroking the furry wall. Eventually, Aaron passes out and is stabbed with a needle of adrenaline causing him to scream "I'm alive!" at the top of his lungs and join in the calamity surrounding him. It's hard not to laugh during this scene.

10) Super Troopers

This movie is a different kind of drug movie, usually drug movies entail that the characters will be high during the better half of the movie, or have that one good trip scene with drug use spread through out. This movie is about a group of highway patrol officers trying to stop a large shipment of marijuana from entering their borders. You still have a scene where the troopers are smoking pot with a convict, and a good trip scene at the beginning of the movie; but it isn't what people generally consider a drug movie. More like a cop comedy. Anyways, the scene that stole this movie is hard to say, since there are so many memorable ones. It is probably the trip scene at the beginning of the movie, since there are so many memorable lines in it. "Littering and... Littering and.... Littering and.... smoking the reefer;" also "The snozzberries taste like snozzberries."

9) Grandma's Boy

Grandma's Boy is one of the few Happy Madison movies where Adam Sandler does not show his face. Instead he sends his usually supporting cast out to see what they can do, and the result is one of the best Happy Madison films that I have seen (go figure, the absence of Sandler still makes a good movie). It takes the viewer into the lives of game testers, and the hilarious "high-jinks" they get into. The best scene in this movie belongs to the character Dante when he says "I'm way to baked to drive to the devil's house," then the scene skips to the monkey driving them to their destination. It's not the monkey that sells this scene for me; it is the hilarious dialogue between the two stoners.

8) 21 Jump Street

Another buddy cop movie centered around drugs, this time based off of an old television series. Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum take on the lead roles as two cops that appear to be the department screw-ups, and the team up is one of the best I have seen in a while. While the movie is one of the better comedies that came out last year, there is one scene that stands out among all of the other good ones (if you don't take the tripping scene into account). It starts with the boys getting ready to for a party, which leads them to the evidence locker of their station to score drugs for their party. 

Tatum pulls out a bag and says "Got a pound of coke." 

Hill replies "We're trying to show them a good time, not ruin their fucking lives"

"Pound of Marijuana?"

"Best party ever!"

7) Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle

Harold and Kumar are new to the world of pot smoking duos (in comparison to the other, more famous pot smoking duos), but they are now more memorable than most of their predecessors (whether that is because of their infancy or how good they are, I couldn't tell you). The scenes in all of their movies are memorable and quoted throughout almost everyvenue I have been to. White Castle is their best one to me, since it originated the duo and seemed more down to earth than the other two. The best scene in this movie has to be when he envisions a life with a big bag of weed. They could have just stopped at him and the bag of weed dancing in a field or something, but they took it so far. Kumar having sex with it, a domestic abuse scene; it was so over the top and hilarious.

6) Jay and Silent Bob: Strike Back

Another pot smoking duo, not as new as the others, but even funnier. As stated in another issue Kevin Smith is the master of dialogue, and this movie may not be the best example of why that is, but it is still good. It has more moments of visual comedy than actual funny dialogue, but there are moments where it seems he put forth more effort into their conversation. I know there seems to be a heavy amount of humor that is at the expense of the LGBTQ community, but I don't think that fact was lost on Smith. It's a bit evident when one of the characters comments on a movie being an hour and half long gay joke. The best part in this is probably the "bong-saber" battle with Star Wars veteran Mark Hamill, just for the part where Jay pauses the fight to take a toke out of the weapon.

5) Half Baked

This time the creators experiment with a trio of pot smoking buddies (if you don't include the guy that went to jail towards the beginning of the film), and the results are pretty amazing. Dave Chappelle has starred in movies before, but this was his first attempt at writing for a movie, and (surprising no one) it was about the good ole Mary Jane. It's nice to go back in Chappelle's career and look at where he was at before his most famous project "Chappelle's Show," even more so now since it doesn't seem like he has much of a career left. The best scene was the descriptions of different types of people that smoke weed; not to be confused with the most memorable scene, when Scarface quits his job and goes on the "fuck you" rampage.

4) Friday

Friday is something casual movie goers can reference as an instant classic, I don't know if I can go that far but it was damn good. The movie has spawned two sequels that I still refuse to watch, because I fear that they are going to mess with the original formula of Ice Cube and Chris Tucker. I know that is a bit unfair, but I also know there are plenty of movie sequels that people don't plan on watching because of a similar reason (Anyone seen "S. Darko" or "Still Waiting?") There are plenty of memorable moments, from the neighborhood bully, Deebo, to the tripping scene when Ice Cube smokes weed. I can't really decide which one is the best off of memory alone, probably the scene where Deebo get's beat by Craig. This movie's goal was to give a more realistic, comedic portrayal of life in the hood, but it makes a good home as a drug comedy as well.

3) Cheech and Chong: Up in Smoke

Cheech and Chong are the most memorable pot smoking duo by far. Whenever a person thinks of marijuana, it seems that a quote from a Cheech and Chong movie is not far behind (as well as a Bob Marley song and shirt, but don't get me started on that annoying theme from "band wagon potheads"). Their movies live on as classics in the world of marijuana and comedy, and you would be hard pressed to find someone who does not know who they are. "Up in Smoke" is their first movie and their best. Everyone remembers the scene where they are driving around smoking that huge blunt, so I'm going to say that is the best. Cheech and Chong are the pair of potheads that set the standards for all movies that deal with the drug and will be remembered for all time as the best example for weed movies.

2) Pineapple Express

Just because the two above this are the most memorable doesn't mean that their movies are the best. I know most of you with a soft spot for classic movies will probably disagree with them being so far down on the list, but this movie and the one below it are simply amazing. You won't find a better written movie than these two. For the time it came, "Pineapple Express" was the best written movie to come out in the past decade, and that is overall, not just for drug comedies. As before, there are so many memorable scenes that it is pretty hard to come up with a scene that sticks out as the best. You could say it was the cross joint or the scene with Danny McBride tied up with a bunch of duct tape, but really the entire movie was good. If you haven't seen it please do yourself the favor of watching it; you are missing out on an historic film.

1) Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

It was hard for me to define what genre "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" belonged to at first. So I went with what IMDB had it listed as (turns out it is adventure/comedy). I guess that works, since it was funny in more of a dark, messed up sort of way. As soon as I figured out that it was a comedy, I couldn't think of anything better to put up here as my numero uno. Benicio Del Toro and Johnny Depp work perfectly off of each other, and luckily this movie was filmed before Johnny started having a say in the creative process of the films he stars in, so he didn't ruin it (but that topic is for another list entirely). If you read the book or just love the actors in the movie, you can't go wrong here; plus, you'll finally get what all those memes about "bat country" were about.

Honorable Mention) Beavis and Butt Head: Do America

I now give you the single best trip scene in any movie, but I guess peyote does that to you. Of course, I wouldn't know.

Next Time on Dustin's Dirty Dozen: A mystery!  I'm not sure what list I will be following this list up with, or even if I will be following it up at all. I have a limited amount of time left in the country I am currently in, and when I leave here I will be starting a video review of movies. I'll still be doing DDD for special occasion's (Top 12 romantic comedies for Valentine's Day, Top 12 war movies for Memorial Day, etc.) but at this time I don't know if my schedule will permit me to do these lists in weekly succession.

However!

Next Time on Dustin's Dirty Dozen: *Special Edition* "Tangled" vs. "Frozen" I compare the current great Disney film to the last great Disney film. Enjoy when it comes out!

Top 12 characters that Hollywood needs to die

Hello loyal readers, and welcome to another edition of Dustin's Dirty Dozen. To make up for the last issue's appeal being so limited, I have come back with the top 12 characters that Hollywood needs to let die. This is a very broad subject, but I simply have compiled a list of the most annoying characters that keep getting sequels made, who have had a movie come out recently or plan on coming out with one. Now, they all didn't start out so annoying (at least most of them didn't) so I will be changing the format for this somewhat. I will give a small review of the movies that have come out featuring the character and end with why the character needs to die. So let's get started.

12) Peter Parker/Spider-Man

Spider-man: The first Spider-man with Tobey Maguire introduced us to the character and his origins. It brought comic books into the new millennium and started a trend that is continued to this day. It was great, everything from the acting to the story line was done well and left only slight instances that needed improvement.

Spider-man 2: Excelled past its predecessor in many ways. More drama, even better acting, and a more compelling story line all made this a home run for the studio.  

Spider-man 3: Is considered one of the worst movies to come out during its time. A slight to the comic book reading community, and alluded to only in a joking manner among fans.
The Amazing Spider-man: Shows us what it truly means to be okay. Not spectacular, but also not horrendous. Right in the middle. The acting was great; the story line was okay, and it seemed more like the comic. A reboot in the truest since of the word.

So why does he need to die if his movies are getting better? I have had enough of the angst. Plain and simple; he is an extremely annoying character, and I can't stand him anymore. I don't care about his new movie featuring Jamie Foxx as Electro. I am annoyed that he is still a character that matters in a universe where we have Thor and Iron Man. He was interesting towards the start of the new millennium but has no place in cinema anymore.

11) Richard B. Riddick

Pitch Black: A interesting look into sci-fi action movies. The main character is mysterious, not to be trifled with, and sets a nice pace to the movie. The acting goes a bit off the rails, but the story should make a nice home for this movie as a cult classic.

The Chronicles of Riddick: An okay movie. The only reason this movie reaches the level of okay is due to the action sequences being generally enthralling. The acting has improved but the story line makes this movie suffer. Mainly, the story robs Riddick of his mystery which was his main selling point in the first movie. If you need a mindless movie to keep your attention for a little bit, than it is right up your alley.
Riddick: Bad, just generally bad all around. The acting is over played and horrific to watch at some points. The story tries to bring back the good parts of the first movie, but makes one of the biggest gambles an action movie can make, and suffers for it. They let you see the god-like protagonist vulnerable. In most other cases this is a good thing, allowing the audience to relate, but with a character like Riddick the shoe does not fit. It also feels too rushed at points and drags at others. 

The gradual decline of the movies' quality is the main reason that Riddick needs to die. Away from that he needs to die before he loses anymore of his surrounding mystery (whatever is left that is). I can respect that Vin Diesel loves the character enough to keep making other movies to fund this series, but he has to throw up the white flag here. 

10) Barney Ross (and the rest of The Expendables)

The Expendables: Good movie for a fan of classic styled action films. Not much to bring to the table in terms of anything that would usually make a movie good, but if you need something to quench your thirst for blood and violence you can't go wrong here. The acting brings nothing new to the table, the story line is very straight and to the point, as well as the big names showing that they are still useful.

The Expendables 2: Basically the same movie as the first, and (in terms of sequels) that is a bad thing. They thought that bringing in more old action stars (like Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme) as well as giving Arnold and Bruce more screen time was a good substitute, but it just made the movie suffer more. I see no reason for anyone to see this movie if they have already seen the first.

So they are making a third installment of this series, and I don't know whether to classify this as a "doesn't have it anymore" or "never did." I don't understand what the appeal is after the first movie. They did what they set out to do already, which was to bring a bunch of action stars together. That was it. Why do they want to bring more and more actors back in an attempt to prove their validation in the new age? At this point, it seems that the only reason they are making a third is to follow Hollywood's rule of three, even if they didn't need a second.

9) Indiana Jones

Indiana Jones 1 through 3: Each movie holds a special place in every viewer's heart. There wasn't one of these movies that seemed to be trying to continue the series for no reason, instead breathing more and more life into Indie with every new installment. Each movie has iconic scenes that live on as a brilliant legacy for future movies to attempt to follow.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Nothing like the old movies. Most scenes in this are iconic because of their legendary failure. I always love seeing Harrison Ford in something, but his presence alone is not enough to bring this movie up from the depths. The depths being: an awkward story line that does not fit into the lore, surviving a nuclear explosion, and Shia Le Buff. Fans of any series have never been more disappointed in a movie, and hopefully will never have to be dragged through the dirt like this again.

So needless to say they shouldn't even be considering making a fifth installment, but they are. It is under the delayed status in IMDB, but I can only hope that status will go to cancelled. With the reaction to the fourth installment I can't even believe they would be trying to.

8) Jason Bourne

Bourne Identity, Supremacy, and Ultimatum:  An action series that showed us that action movies can be compelling both visually and intellectually. With an engaging story line, beautifully choreographed fight sequences, and expert acting this series earned the coveted "amazing trilogy" title. Meaning that none of the movies faltered in the lore or quality.

Bourne Legacy: Set as an extension to the book series (the trilogy was originally based on) this movie proved why the author didn't feel like writing. This movie is the definition of "only here for a guaranteed box office." They know the name will sell tickets even if it is a bad movie. Jeremy Renner was good in it but the rest of the movie couldn't engage me, and just made me feel bad that Jeremy had to be apart of this.

So it was announced that they are making a fifth installment. I don't understand why these movie makers keep on breaking the rule of three but they are suffering for it. I know I am not the only person around that hears they are making another Bourne movie and sighs. When your series used to make people excited and now invokes a sound of annoyance it is time to hang up your spurs, cowboy. At least Jeremy Renner has the Avengers to fall back on, but I don't know why his other movies are cluttering my theater.

7) Ethan Hunt

Mission Impossible 1 through 3: The single greatest set of spy movies to come out in our history. End of story. These movies don't falter or miss a single beat, when you are watching them you can't help but feel entranced by the action and story line. Giving us more memorable scenes than any series in its genre, this series will probably live on top for many years to come.

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol: Unnecessary, through and through. I love Simon Pegg, respect Tom Cruise as a good actor and nothing more, but this movie just killed what was making the series great. It makes it seem like they are again relying on the name to sell tickets, and not caring about if they should make it in the first place.

So, everything that applied to Jason Bourne applies here. The series is feeling dragged out, uninteresting, and ignores the rule of three. I don't know if action movies are trying to compete with the horror market when it comes to these sequels but whatever they are doing this is prime example why they should stop. I guess we'll see what happens in the fifth installment.

6) Jay and Silent Bob

Clerks: An interesting and compelling movie that was made into an instant cult classic. Showing audiences everywhere that you don't need a big budget, with amazing special effects to make a good movie when you have good dialogue.

Mallrats: Showing us what Kevin Smith can do with a larger budget, this movie does not disappoint. More brilliant dialogue and hilarious scenes. Appeasing the masses with yet another brilliant movie centered around a select group of individuals. The first minimum wage employees, and now people that like to hang out at malls.

Dogma: I felt the need to skip "Chasing Amy" but long story short it was okay. This movie on the other hand was outstanding. Looking at religion in a whole new way, and doing what Kevin Smith does best: giving us a good dialogue and even better story line.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: Keeping with what Kevin Smith does best and giving us even more Jay and Silent Bob. This movie had a little something in it for everyone and could be watched fifty times without losing its appeal.

Clerks 2: Kevin Smith's best work yet. Giving a defining conclusion to both Clerks and the rest of the Viewaskewniverse. We can finally, safely put these characters away and see what else Kevin Smith has to offer, when he isn't relying on Jay and Silent Bob.

Or can we? Now, he has made it official that he will be making a third "Clerks." While I respect his appreciation for the rule of three, I instantly lose that respect when he stated that he will not be going back to this universe. Twice. It seems that every time he tries to step out of the universe he gets scared and runs back to it. First he failed with Jersey girl so he made "Clerks 2." Now, he fails with "Cop Out" and "Red State", while not getting the box office results expected for "Zack and Miri Make a Porno," so he makes "Clerks 3." I like Kevin Smith, I am a big fan, but he needs to cut the ties with these movies already.

5) Superman/Clark Kent

Superman 1 & 2: Introducing comics to the silver screen for the first time, these movies are legendary. Christopher Reeves is the Superman anyone should think of when referring to the character, no one has or will ever top him.

Superman 3 & 4: Well Christopher Reeves is still great in the role, but I guess the creators like becoming the best definition for tripping at the finish line. There was no reason for these movies to have seen the light of day and all people associated with them should feel horrified for being apart of this.

Superman Returns:  I can't understand why someone thought this was a good idea. It actually rivals the later Christopher Reeves movies in how horrible it was. If you think of this as a silent movie, only meant for spectacle with no thrills, it might be considered okay. I just can't think of an audience that would want that.

Man of Steel: Trying to revive Superman in the new age and use the same tactic that "Batman Begins" used by making him more realistic. I guess that's why it doesn't fit, because you can't make Superman more realistic; he is the definition of fantasy, and has been that way for over half a century. Even if you look at it as a movie with no basis in comic books, it still doesn't make since with its own story line. Go ahead. Check the movie and see if you can find out what I am talking about.

You would think that with the backlash surrounding the most recent installment in the media they would try to keep clear of Superman. I guess DC is filled with gluttons for punishment since they are making another. The twist this time is that they have teamed him up with the only character in DC to make at least four good movies. Their overly popular poster boy. Batman. Now instead of ruining one character they are going to ruin two. Smart.

4) Rocky Balboa

Rocky: An instant classic and play by play on how to make a good movie. Your protagonist doesn't have to win, just endure and survive. The win can be in a different way than originally intended. He won in the sense that he got the girl. He won in the sense that he didn't get knocked when everyone said he would.

Rocky 2 and 3: Goes back to face Apollo and completely defeats the purpose of the first movie, then Rocky gets caught up in his own legend and is laid out by Mr.T. Don't worry he comes back to beat him too. They were okay movies but took a big, steaming dump on the original.

Rocky 4: Actually a great movie, even if there was a weird life size robot and it was all about the cold war villains of choice. He avenges his buddy Apollo and wins one for the home country. I also like the whole nature versus machine thing that they did in the montage.

Rocky 5: Finally reached the "what's the point?" level of a series. Following Rocky's extremely uninteresting son, and having nothing to do with boxing but instead what happens to people that were once famous.

Rocky Balboa: Part of Stallone's "I may be old but I can still kick you ass" film series (The expendables and Rambo being the other parts of that series), this movie finally convinced us that Rocky should probably die off. Putting him against a much younger man, it tries to re-live the first movie but fails almost on every conceivable level.

Now, we get to see what happens when Rocky starts to train Apollo's son, in the upcoming movie "Creed". I suspect he will be just as uninteresting when he plays a trainer rather than a fighter. I think they lost every fan during the last movie and now they want to rub salt in a still fresh wound.

3) Zombies

There are too many zombie movies out there for me to list them all without taking up an entire page. That's the problem actually. Zombies are now everywhere. It seems that everyone has a flawed zombie plan, or they have favorite zombie film. At this point, there are so many that they need their own sub-genre of film. You can't call them horror anymore, with movies like "World War Z" out there making them into action, or "Shaun of the Dead" making them into comedies. We need to give these characters a break. Let them just die out slowly, until the only thing left of them is "The Walking Dead."

2) John McClane

Die Hard: One of the greatest action movies in cinema, only topped by the third movie in the same series. They take an ordinary, down on his luck cop, and put him in an extraordinary situation when terrorists seize the building he is in. John McClane was the greatest example of an every-man and gave us one of the greatest rides of our lives.
Die Hard 2: Die Harder: An unfortunate circumstance. Most of what made the first movie so appealing is now gone, and it is very evident that they just wanted to make more money with this. He's still an every-man but he lost the troubles that made his every-man story so relatable.
Die Hard With a Vengeance: Now, I give you the single greatest action movie of anyone's life time. This movie took the original and improved on it. Simon was an original and inspiring idea that is still used today in some television shows. Samuel L. Jackson's character is the best example of "that guy that is hard to work with," when he always brings up his race and how much he hates white people. Any movie is going to be hard pressed to top this.
Live Free or Die Hard and A Good Day to Die Hard: They have now beaten this horse all the way dead and ruined this character for life. He is no longer an every-man, he is just another in a long line of action heroes. Like Rambo before him, this character was drug through the dirt until no one could stand to see the sight of him again.

So, it was announced that they are making "Die Hardest," and with a conclusive title like that I can only hope that this is the last we will see from John McClane. It seems that they are trying to relive the story line of the first (with the synopsis provided on IMDB), or more accurately make a messed up fan fiction of the first movie. Seriously, if this is someone's idea of a joke consider me gotten and take this garbage down.

1) Batman/Bruce Wayne

Batman and Batman Returns: Two truly amazing movies that show how much Tim Burton could offer the world of comic books. These movies just sell Batman and make it so he will always have a home on the silver screen (however, unfortunate that is today).

Batman Forever: Still great even if there were "Bat Nipples." You can't deny that Jim Carey and Tommy Lee Jones did excellent in their roles, nor can you say that Val Kilmer isn't one of the greatest Batmen of our time. Whenever I need a laugh or a fix for Batman (that isn't ultra realistic or animated) I turn on this movie.

Batman and Robin: So, we have another example of how badly someone can fail when trying to make a film. This movie is so disgustingly awful that if I were given a thousand dollars to watch it, I would take their money and burn the film on it.
Batman Begins: Taking a stab at making a more realistic Batman, this movie made the character cool again. Liam Neeson gives an amazing performance as does Micheal Caine, Gary Oldman, and Morgan Freeman. It sets the pace for where Batman should take us in the future.
The Dark Knight: The single greatest achievement in DC's history and the second greatest achievement in comic book movies. Nothing can describe this movie besides masterpiece, it is just that amazing.
The Dark Knight Rises: A far leap from its predecessors, this movie has earned the rank of okay. Nothing special to write home about. Tom Hardy, Anne Hathaway and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are great as new cast members, and the returning cast is great as always. It just seems to be missing something in terms of being actually compelling. A missed opportunity, but still good enough to be watchable.

You see that there are seven movies, all about the same character? This is the action version of a Jason Voorhees or Freddy Krueger. Now, they are coming out with an eighth movie featuring the sixth person (including Adam West) to dawn the cape and cowl. To put that into perspective for you, there are seven James Bonds and that series has been around since 1962. Its time to pick a new poster child DC, might I suggest Wonder Woman or John Stewart as Green Lantern.

Honorable Mention) The Skywalker Clan

Star Wars IV,V, and VI: Good.

Star Wars I,II, and III: Bad.

Here's hoping that Disney can make things right in seven, eight and nine, but with a family of crybabies like the Skywalkers I seriously doubt it. 

Next time on Dustin's Dirty Dozen: Top 12 illegal drug films with the "holiday of food" coming up I feel this is appropriate.

Top 12 Justice League episodes

*For all intents and purposes spoiler warning (even though this series is about a decade old)*

Hello loyal readers and welcome to another edition of Dustin's Dirty Dozen, this issue takes us deep into one of my favorite series when I give you my top 12 "Justice League" episodes. I know a lot of you are wondering why I am doing this issue, and the answer is: the new Batman/Superman movie. I have heard so much about the upcoming movie and can't help but think that it is some sort of precursor to a Justice League movie. With all of the news surrounding the upcoming film it seems that this new DC movie is going to be another in the long line of DC movie failures. So I am here to bring you back to a time where DC was amazing, even if it might cut out a good portion of my readers. I could write a book on this series, it is one of the greatest things ever to come out of DC (along with "Teen Titans" and the 90's shows). So, without further adieu let's get these capes counted off.

12) The Cat and the Canary

This episode shows us the trials and tribulations of Wild Cat, one of the League's most normal members. No powers, no gadgets, just skill in the boxing ring and a costume. He has found himself in an underground, illegal fighting competition where he beats super-powered villains to a pulp. The thing that makes this episode great is that it shows us what a superhero in the middle of a mid-life crisis does. Feeling cast aside by the Justice League for not being as useful as the more powerful heroes he goes into this blood sport, where he can once again feel like he is accomplishing something. His student Black Canary and her love interest Green Arrow try to stop him, and succeed when Green Arrow uses a stun gun to put him in metabolic stasis. This gives Wildcat the feeling that he has killed someone in the ring and finally breaks him of the crowd's draw. This may have had the overlying intention of getting Green Arrow and Black Canary together, but the subtle more meaningful message of growing old, being outclassed and the addiction of popularity are why this episode was great.   

11) The Savage Time

These episodes bring us into a parallel timeline, where we see what would have happened if we lost WWII, and if the Germans were under more "experienced" leadership. Randal Savage (an immortal villain that has lived since the stone age) has assumed power over the Nazi regime, and uses advanced technology to turn the tide of the war. The Justice League (being unaffected by the skewed timeline due to the protection of Green Lantern's ring) seeks to put the past back in order and undo the horrors savage has brought upon the world. This episode was good for a multitude of reasons. We get to see John Stewart as a man with no power ring and reverted back to his United States Marine Corps training. We get to see the work of past heroes fight alongside current superheroes when Hawkgirl meets The Blackhawks (a group of ace fighter pilots). If you are a fan of "Band of Brothers"/"Justice League" fan-fiction, or if you simply love parallel universes these are the episodes for you.

10) Legends

Another parallel universe story line (beginning to sense a theme here?) where the League meets a team very similar to them, the Justice Guild of America. Something is a miss though when the League starts noticing some inconsistencies in this world: an ice cream truck that never stops for patrons, the town having only two cops, it seeming like the 1950's even though it is current day. It turns out that the universe is fabricated (from a mutant child with mental powers) and it means that the Guild is fabricated as well. The Guild sacrifices themselves to take out the mutant that caused everything, and all is set right again. These episodes give us a look into the past by comparing "The Golden Age" of comics to the more current one. That comparison brings along so many awkward moments: sexism, a slightly racist comment, "role call" for the guests, corny dialogue (to include a seemingly infinite amount of puns). The sacrifice scene is amazing and if nothing else we get a proper look at how someone in today's timeline would react to a more naive one.  

9) A Better World

Last parallel universe arc I swear. These episodes show us a parallel version of the Justice League, called the Justice Lords. The only differences between the two teams are that the Lords are willing to kill and the Flash is dead. So long story short on this one, the Lords find out about the League's universe and try to take it over. It doesn't work. The reason it doesn't work is one of the reasons why this episode is great. The League frees Lex Luthor to stop the lords, and that sets up the arc for the big Justice League: Unlimited season two finale. Another big reason these episodes were great was the Lords' martial law, and Superman going on a lobotomy rampage.

8) Wake the Dead

This is based off of an older episode (The Terror Beyond) where the villain Solomon Grundy gave his life (or whatever type of life a zombie has) to save the world. Some college kids get together and perform a ritual they think will give them the power to defend themselves against bullies. It turns out that the ritual raised Solomon from the grave (insert zombie reference) and it is up to the League to stop him. This episode is great because it gives a very real look at what would happen when a superhero tries to come back in to the fold, after betraying the people of Earth. Hawkgirl is going through an identity crisis already and she has a soft spot for Grundy; so the fact that her return has to be centered around taking him out provides great character development. If nothing else it provides the viewer with a decent "Old Yeller" style scene when Hawkgirl has to put down Grundy.

7) Epilogue

Not a parallel universe but a look into the future of "Batman Beyond," tied in with "Justice League" and it shows how truly great Bruce Wayne was. So, Terry McGinnis finds out Bruce Wayne is his biological father and goes through a bit of an identity crisis (you are going to see a lot of these characters go through an identity crisis, probably comes with the territory of wearing a mask). He seeks out Amanda Waller (an old enemy of the League and ex head of Cadmus) assuming she is the only one that has the answers. He's right, and Amanda Waller tells him why she did it, defending her decision with a story about Bruce Wayne when he was in the League. I just like any episode that ties in different DC franchises; like "Batman: Mask of the Phantasm," Justice League," and "Batman Beyond." Even without the tie-ins, the story is pretty awesome. It shows us what sets Batman apart from the other League members. I know Bruce Wayne is a bit overplayed in Hollywood right now, but this Bruce Wayne will never be played out. 

6) Tabula Rasa (to include The Return)

This is the story of Amazo the android and a scientist making a god. Amazo can copy ANYTHING (he copied the properties of a star, so yeah anything) and make it part of him. Lex Luthor takes advantage of the robot's naivety, to try and kill the Justice League. The android takes Martian Manhunter's powers, and with his new found telepathy learns that Lex is using him. He copies the properties of a celestial star and leaves. In The Return, he comes back to kill Luthor or find his purpose. He doesn't kill Luthor and is brought under the care of Dr. Fate to find his purpose. So, these are great episodes because it gives many of our character's more depth. In Tabula Rasa, Martian Manhunter is having a crisis of self when he can't turn off his telepathy, and eventually he learns why he is fighting for humanity. In The Return, we get to see where Hawkgirl has been hiding herself and learn a little more about Dr. Fate. If you like satires on over powered superhero's these is definitely the episodes for you.

5) Only A Dream

I'm going to keep the synopsis short here, basically these are episodes about a Freddy-Krueger-like villain, and we get to see what scares the members of the League. I think the whole bird in a cage comparison of Hawkgirl's claustrophobia was brilliantly subtle. There is more identity crisis from Green Lantern's dream, when he fear's that he has grown too distant from his roots and is slave to the ring's power. Superman feel's like his power will never stop growing, and he won't be able to control it. Flash fears that he will one day go too fast and never be able to slow down again. We never see, the Martian Manhunter's fears or Wonder Woman's (since she is not in the episode). Batman's fear's are pretty self evident by now (especially if you saw Batman: The Animated Series). They're great episodes to watch for character development, and if you're a fan of Batman proving himself to the "more powerful" members of the League.  

4) Secret Society

Secret Society is the third attempt to create an Injustice League, except this time it comes close to working. Gorilla Grodd uses his mental powers to play with the League's emotions, getting them to say the things that they would usually keep hidden from one another. This episode gives us even more character development showing us how it is to live and work with roommates. Basically, if you spend a long time with anyone they are going to get on your nerves. This instance just so happens to give the roommates superpowers and secret identities. I like anytime a show about other worldly beings can bring them down to a level the audience can relate to. 

3) Question Authority/Flashpoint/Panic in the Sky/Divided We Fall

These episodes were not only the longest continuing story line in the shows airing but also the most built up. Through out all of the "Justice League: Unlimited" the viewer is taken through different episodes all hinting at a shadow cabinet called Cadmus; whose sole reason for existing is to prepare the world against the possibility of a superhero uprising. These episodes are the finale, the climax of all that planning, and they do not disappoint. We find out that the campaign for presidency Luthor was building up is fake, and he was just doing it to get under Superman's skin. We get to see what Cadmus has been planning all this time, and see the plan fall apart at the end of everything. Finally, we get to see Amanda Waller and the League work together to bring down a Brainiac infused Luthor. Everything that has been given to us so far in the series is tied together in a nice little package, and the result is amazing.

2) Starcrossed (to include Hunter's Moon)

Starcrossed is one of the Justice League three part episodes that was turned into a movie. It center's around the Thanagarian army occupying Earth and taking control, as well as showing us that Hawkgirl wasn't being completely honest with the League. It turns out that she was a spy for her home world (scouting out the locals), and more so is engaged to the commander of the Thanagarian army. Long story short, they try to destroy Earth to save their home world and the League stops them. The part I like the most about this episode is when the League takes off their costumes. The Flash is a little hesitant and Batman just reveals all of their secret identities to save time. I am not to fond of episodes that are centered around the love story arcs, but the betrayal against Green Lantern makes it seem better. Aside from all that, we have Hawkgirl quitting the Justice League and becoming a pariah to her people. She puts herself in an extremely tough situation and that is made all the more evident in the Hunter's Moon episode when her people try to take revenge against her betrayal, and the members of the League she is with still don't fully trust her.

1) For the Man Who has Everything

This episode was deliciously depressing, and brought together the members of the big three. So, it is Superman's birthday, Batman and Wonder Woman arrive to give him their well wishes to find him "indisposed." Turns out he got a mysterious gift and it was a plant that (once attached) gives you a completely realistic, pseudo reality of what you want most in the world. What Superman want's most in the world is to be back on Krypton, and to have a family with Lois Lane once there. He soon realizes that this world is fabricated, and must give up his heart's biggest desire to be free. Once freed the plant attaches to Batman and we get a look at Bruce's father mercilessly beating the shit out of the mugger that took his parent's lives. They get the plant off of him and beat the bad guy that put it there, but at a great price. All of this to include Wonder Woman's fight with the bad guy makes this episode the best that the Justice League has to offer. It was dark, depressing, and filled with deep emotional loss. Simply astounding. 

Honorable Mention) Secret Origins

If I may quote the DC animation heads, "everyone loves an origin story," and I am no different.

Next time on Dustin's Dirty Dozen: Top 12 characters that Hollywood needs to let die. I get back on the movie track by giving you the characters that have lived far to long, and finally need to be laid to rest.

Top 12 Current Child Actors

Hello loyal readers, and welcome to another edition of Dustin's Dirty Dozen. This week I celebrate the movie "Ender's Game" finally coming to a theater near me by giving you the top 12 current child actors. In case you all were wondering, the reason I am celebrating "Ender's Game" so late in the game is because movies take about a month or two longer to get to my theater than yours. Now that we have that straight, the rules of this list entail that the actor must have been born in 1996 or later. There isn't much to it other than that. I will say that searching for pictures of all these actors in succession made me feel like I might have been looked at as a pedophile, but I assure that I have never been on one of those lists. So, here's hoping that I am still allowed around my friend's kids at the end of this.

12) Jake Cherry

We start with a kid that was lucky enough to star along side Ben Stiller in "Night at the Museum," (one and two), and cursed with having to be touched by Nicholas Cage in "The Sorcerer's Apprentice." This kid showed some definite skill in both movies (whether they were good or not) by being himself, and not letting the cameras get to him. Don't believe that you have seen a movie where the cameras get to the children? Try the the sequels to "The Mummy." Even if you take away his ability to be professional, you still have to laugh at the kid out-acting Nicholas Cage.

11) Isabelle Fuhrman

"Orphan" may have been another failed attempt at making scary children the center piece of a movie (stop trying to be "The Omen"), but Isabelle Fuhrman did extremely well with her role. She must have impressed somebody, because later she got a minor role in "The Hunger Games" as Clove. While it was a supporting role, and her goal was simply to be Esther with throwing knives, she was still great. Not very much speaking from her (if any) as Clove, but she gets to work on her mime a little more by doing a great job with body language/facial expressions. I am looking forward to seeing this young star in more roles, where hopefully she can speak a little more (using her skills as a voice actor).

10) Jimmy Bennett

Another "Orphan" child star, hopefully I can escape this trend before people think I actually liked that movie. Anyways, grown ups and children alike (especially geeks) should be extremely jealous of this kid's childhood. He got to act alongside Bruce Willis in "Hostage" and Ryan Reynolds in "The Amityville Horror." Even bigger than that, he got to play a young James T. Kirk and send a classic car over a cliff side. While the movies I have mentioned so far range mostly from bad to okay (The Amityville Horror excluded of course), he hasn't been bad in any role. He has fun with it, and in the end seems more like a kid than most of the actors on this list.

9) Noah Ringer

Okay, "Avatar: The Last Airbender" fans, put down your torches and pitchforks, I am not saying that the movie was good. Actually, you know what I take that back, I didn't mind the movie even if it was directed by M. Night "what a twist" Shyamalan. Come at me. Something you fans have to admit to is that Noah Ringer didn't do that bad in his role. He did even better in his role for "Cowboys and Aliens" (which was a truly bad film) where he played Emmett Taggart. With a track record like this I can only hope that he gets more chances to redeem his career with good movies so he is not plagued with the Colin Farrell curse (being a good actor and being dragged down by shitty movies). 

8) Kaitlyn Dever

She didn't have a very prominent role in "J. Edgar" (thank whatever powers at be for that), So I have to gauge her by the performance in "Bad Teacher." Turns out she was pretty awesome as the brown nose, socially retarded type, so I guess we get to be treated to a female version of Michael Cera when she comes of age (which isn't a bad thing). She doesn't have too much (besides the two aforementioned films) that I have seen, but if the work she put into Sasha Abernathy is a sign of things to come, consider me interested.  

7) Elle Fanning

You all think that the Fanning family is trying to be a downgraded version of the Baldwins or the Wayans? If so I am completely okay with that, because both sisters are amazing actors. Take away "Twilight" saga from Dakota and your left with "The Runaways," take away "Super 8" from Elle and you are left with "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." My point is the two have obviously done some bad movies but they have also done some outstanding work, and I can't wait to see where their respective careers take them. It seems that the two are dead set on separating their careers (only acting in separate scenes of a movie, never alongside each other), which is good since it allows their careers to flourish without clinging to the coat tails of another. We'll see if baby sister can live up to her sibling in the years to come, but right now she is doing a fantastic job.

6) Willow Shields

Yes, Primrose Everdeen made the list. Why is she up here for such a minor role? Because she put forth so much effort into her scenes that it is hard to ignore that she might be the next big, dedicated actress. I liked this movie (as I've said before), and the great part about them (at least for the purposes of this list) is that it gives us a chance to see what the actors of tomorrow have to bring to the table. This girl has much to bring, especially when she completely sells a break down and gives a more commanding performance than most anyone would at her age. With three more movies unrelated to the series coming out with her playing a role, it seems that we are going to see if this young girl will impress us even more than she already has.

5) Jonah Bobo

If you have not seen "Crazy, Stupid, Love" (either from you not hearing about it or you being too manly to see a chick flick) I formally request that you give it a shot. It was a great romantic comedy and Jonah Bobo's character was one of the best parts of it. He could have been just another kid in a movie, but he turned out to be more than that. He made himself THE kid in the movie. A lot of the story line was centered around him,and he completely nailed any part that he was trying to portray. Whether he is proclaiming his love in front of the entire school, threatening David Lindhagen to stay away from his mother, or being caught masturbating, he sells it. You can see him as younger brother in Zathura if you want; that movie is just okay, but this movie was a great time to be had.

4) Nathan Gamble

Nathan Gamble has a bit of a habit in his career and as young of an actor as he is I don't know if that is a bad thing. I don't think anyone is going to scream out "Hey that's Jim Gordon's kid! From the "Dark Knight!" nor are they going to scream out "That's Owen Wilson's kid from "Marley and Me!" when they see him in a future role. He is cursed with one of those faces that makes it easy for you to implant the face of your kid on him. So he is forced into these tough-situation movies where the child is constantly put in either physical or emotional danger. "The Mist" is a great example of this, but here is the twist: It gives a chance to know him as more of a character and less as a filler. When we get to see him play a character with more of a prominent role, we finally get to see what he brings to the proceedings as an actor. Turns out he is great. Even if he is forced into whining through out half the movie, he sells the whining. I haven't seen "The Hole," and I didn't grow enough "tweenage" ovaries to see "Dolphin Tale," but when it comes to "The Mist" the kid has some chops.

3) Abigail Breslin

The great thing about Abigail Breslin is that she has filled her resume with outstanding movies, whether "Ender's Game" will continue that trend is yet to be determined but so far so good. "Little Miss Sunshine" showed us that she had the ability, and "Zombieland" showed us that she had the skill. I don't know if it is the age difference, but if she can continue through the rest of her career playing equally different roles, she might one day become a chameleon (something every actor should strive to be). In "Little Miss Sunshine" she plays Olive Hoover, a young, eccentric girl destined to be cast aside by the judges of a beauty pageant, but set to win even it means dealing with her severely dysfunctional family. Years later, she pulls a one-eighty in "Zombieland" by playing little sister to Emma Stone. A young, forced-to-grow-up-too-fast kid in post apocalyptic, zombie filled America. We'll see if "Ender's Game" can prove to be another in this strong list of amazing films or if it will be a black mark on her record.

2) Asa Butterfield

Much like the actor above Asa Butterfield has filled his filmography with instant classics. He is a lot of the reason why I am so antsy to see "Ender's Game" (you know, besides the fact that it is based off of book that I love, Harrison Ford/Ben Kingsley will be in it, and to see if there will be any hidden anti-gay undertone's in it due to Orson Scott Card's reputation). Asa Butterfield has proven himself time and time again that he is ready for his big budget blockbuster, and it is good to see he's gotten it. He did an amazing job with "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas," "Hugo," and "Son of Rambow," so I give him the same hope that I gave Abigail. Please don't let "Ender's Game" ruin this kid's reputation.

1) Chloe Grace Moretz

It is hard to imagine a bigger and more talented child star than Chloe Grace Moretz in today's market.  She has been in movies where she was able to be a little more free with her cursing like "Kick Ass," and she has been in movies alongside acting legends like Johnny Depp in "Dark Shadows." She has done more in her life time than anyone else on this list. Not all of them have been major hits but she has done the best with the material provided. Furthermore, she has become a great role model for girls her age (at least better than most other child stars) by not yet reaching the level of social depravity that seems to frequent many famous children, but even more so from her roles. She play's these self confident, boisterous roles that can give not only young women something to aspire to be more like but anyone her age. I haven't had a chance to see "Carrie" yet (for the same reason I haven't seen "Ender's Game") but I am positive she will play her role well, and hope that we are graced with more astounding movies from her. 

Honorable Mention) Madison Pettis

She was good in "The Gameplan," even if that movie was bad. I haven't seen enough of her movies to make a fair assumption on her skills as of today but I guess we will see.

Dishonorable Mention) Jaden Smith

I use this category only in the circumstance that I won't follow up the current list of best movies with a list of worst movies. I save it for something truly bad, and use it only in the rarest of occasions. A moment where something is so bad that I can't help mentioning it in the hopes that it will either set the record straight or warn my readers against ever seeing whatever I am about to complain about.

So, here we have one of the most unfortunate offspring from the Smith clan, and we get a very real look at how great acting is not genetic. Will smith has given us some of the best performances of our life time and has etched himself in the marble of brilliant actors. His son has shown us that nepotism has no place in the acting field, and it is strange that he shows us this more and more the older he gets. I find it weird that his best role was in "The Pursuit of Happyness" where he was barely old enough to speak, and now he does "After Earth" where he can legally have a learner's permit but he can't seem to drive himself to an acting class. In "After Earth" we get sold on the possibility of Will and Jaden acting in a movie together, but we get treated to a movie plagued by Jaden failing to grasp what fear looks like on a human face. Will sells his role as being hurt and fearless, but I guess that's all we get. I hope this wasn't some attempt at foreshadowing that Jaden will be taking up his father's reigns, because if this is what we have to look forward to, we (as the viewers) are screwed.

Next time on Dustin's Dirty Dozen: Top 12 "Justice League" and "Justice League: Unlimited" episodes. I think we are all under the impression that the upcoming "Batman/Superman" movie is going to be bad. I am going to take you back to a time where DC released great material.