Top 12 characters that Hollywood needs to die

Hello loyal readers, and welcome to another edition of Dustin's Dirty Dozen. To make up for the last issue's appeal being so limited, I have come back with the top 12 characters that Hollywood needs to let die. This is a very broad subject, but I simply have compiled a list of the most annoying characters that keep getting sequels made, who have had a movie come out recently or plan on coming out with one. Now, they all didn't start out so annoying (at least most of them didn't) so I will be changing the format for this somewhat. I will give a small review of the movies that have come out featuring the character and end with why the character needs to die. So let's get started.

12) Peter Parker/Spider-Man

Spider-man: The first Spider-man with Tobey Maguire introduced us to the character and his origins. It brought comic books into the new millennium and started a trend that is continued to this day. It was great, everything from the acting to the story line was done well and left only slight instances that needed improvement.

Spider-man 2: Excelled past its predecessor in many ways. More drama, even better acting, and a more compelling story line all made this a home run for the studio.  

Spider-man 3: Is considered one of the worst movies to come out during its time. A slight to the comic book reading community, and alluded to only in a joking manner among fans.
The Amazing Spider-man: Shows us what it truly means to be okay. Not spectacular, but also not horrendous. Right in the middle. The acting was great; the story line was okay, and it seemed more like the comic. A reboot in the truest since of the word.

So why does he need to die if his movies are getting better? I have had enough of the angst. Plain and simple; he is an extremely annoying character, and I can't stand him anymore. I don't care about his new movie featuring Jamie Foxx as Electro. I am annoyed that he is still a character that matters in a universe where we have Thor and Iron Man. He was interesting towards the start of the new millennium but has no place in cinema anymore.

11) Richard B. Riddick

Pitch Black: A interesting look into sci-fi action movies. The main character is mysterious, not to be trifled with, and sets a nice pace to the movie. The acting goes a bit off the rails, but the story should make a nice home for this movie as a cult classic.

The Chronicles of Riddick: An okay movie. The only reason this movie reaches the level of okay is due to the action sequences being generally enthralling. The acting has improved but the story line makes this movie suffer. Mainly, the story robs Riddick of his mystery which was his main selling point in the first movie. If you need a mindless movie to keep your attention for a little bit, than it is right up your alley.
Riddick: Bad, just generally bad all around. The acting is over played and horrific to watch at some points. The story tries to bring back the good parts of the first movie, but makes one of the biggest gambles an action movie can make, and suffers for it. They let you see the god-like protagonist vulnerable. In most other cases this is a good thing, allowing the audience to relate, but with a character like Riddick the shoe does not fit. It also feels too rushed at points and drags at others. 

The gradual decline of the movies' quality is the main reason that Riddick needs to die. Away from that he needs to die before he loses anymore of his surrounding mystery (whatever is left that is). I can respect that Vin Diesel loves the character enough to keep making other movies to fund this series, but he has to throw up the white flag here. 

10) Barney Ross (and the rest of The Expendables)

The Expendables: Good movie for a fan of classic styled action films. Not much to bring to the table in terms of anything that would usually make a movie good, but if you need something to quench your thirst for blood and violence you can't go wrong here. The acting brings nothing new to the table, the story line is very straight and to the point, as well as the big names showing that they are still useful.

The Expendables 2: Basically the same movie as the first, and (in terms of sequels) that is a bad thing. They thought that bringing in more old action stars (like Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme) as well as giving Arnold and Bruce more screen time was a good substitute, but it just made the movie suffer more. I see no reason for anyone to see this movie if they have already seen the first.

So they are making a third installment of this series, and I don't know whether to classify this as a "doesn't have it anymore" or "never did." I don't understand what the appeal is after the first movie. They did what they set out to do already, which was to bring a bunch of action stars together. That was it. Why do they want to bring more and more actors back in an attempt to prove their validation in the new age? At this point, it seems that the only reason they are making a third is to follow Hollywood's rule of three, even if they didn't need a second.

9) Indiana Jones

Indiana Jones 1 through 3: Each movie holds a special place in every viewer's heart. There wasn't one of these movies that seemed to be trying to continue the series for no reason, instead breathing more and more life into Indie with every new installment. Each movie has iconic scenes that live on as a brilliant legacy for future movies to attempt to follow.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Nothing like the old movies. Most scenes in this are iconic because of their legendary failure. I always love seeing Harrison Ford in something, but his presence alone is not enough to bring this movie up from the depths. The depths being: an awkward story line that does not fit into the lore, surviving a nuclear explosion, and Shia Le Buff. Fans of any series have never been more disappointed in a movie, and hopefully will never have to be dragged through the dirt like this again.

So needless to say they shouldn't even be considering making a fifth installment, but they are. It is under the delayed status in IMDB, but I can only hope that status will go to cancelled. With the reaction to the fourth installment I can't even believe they would be trying to.

8) Jason Bourne

Bourne Identity, Supremacy, and Ultimatum:  An action series that showed us that action movies can be compelling both visually and intellectually. With an engaging story line, beautifully choreographed fight sequences, and expert acting this series earned the coveted "amazing trilogy" title. Meaning that none of the movies faltered in the lore or quality.

Bourne Legacy: Set as an extension to the book series (the trilogy was originally based on) this movie proved why the author didn't feel like writing. This movie is the definition of "only here for a guaranteed box office." They know the name will sell tickets even if it is a bad movie. Jeremy Renner was good in it but the rest of the movie couldn't engage me, and just made me feel bad that Jeremy had to be apart of this.

So it was announced that they are making a fifth installment. I don't understand why these movie makers keep on breaking the rule of three but they are suffering for it. I know I am not the only person around that hears they are making another Bourne movie and sighs. When your series used to make people excited and now invokes a sound of annoyance it is time to hang up your spurs, cowboy. At least Jeremy Renner has the Avengers to fall back on, but I don't know why his other movies are cluttering my theater.

7) Ethan Hunt

Mission Impossible 1 through 3: The single greatest set of spy movies to come out in our history. End of story. These movies don't falter or miss a single beat, when you are watching them you can't help but feel entranced by the action and story line. Giving us more memorable scenes than any series in its genre, this series will probably live on top for many years to come.

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol: Unnecessary, through and through. I love Simon Pegg, respect Tom Cruise as a good actor and nothing more, but this movie just killed what was making the series great. It makes it seem like they are again relying on the name to sell tickets, and not caring about if they should make it in the first place.

So, everything that applied to Jason Bourne applies here. The series is feeling dragged out, uninteresting, and ignores the rule of three. I don't know if action movies are trying to compete with the horror market when it comes to these sequels but whatever they are doing this is prime example why they should stop. I guess we'll see what happens in the fifth installment.

6) Jay and Silent Bob

Clerks: An interesting and compelling movie that was made into an instant cult classic. Showing audiences everywhere that you don't need a big budget, with amazing special effects to make a good movie when you have good dialogue.

Mallrats: Showing us what Kevin Smith can do with a larger budget, this movie does not disappoint. More brilliant dialogue and hilarious scenes. Appeasing the masses with yet another brilliant movie centered around a select group of individuals. The first minimum wage employees, and now people that like to hang out at malls.

Dogma: I felt the need to skip "Chasing Amy" but long story short it was okay. This movie on the other hand was outstanding. Looking at religion in a whole new way, and doing what Kevin Smith does best: giving us a good dialogue and even better story line.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: Keeping with what Kevin Smith does best and giving us even more Jay and Silent Bob. This movie had a little something in it for everyone and could be watched fifty times without losing its appeal.

Clerks 2: Kevin Smith's best work yet. Giving a defining conclusion to both Clerks and the rest of the Viewaskewniverse. We can finally, safely put these characters away and see what else Kevin Smith has to offer, when he isn't relying on Jay and Silent Bob.

Or can we? Now, he has made it official that he will be making a third "Clerks." While I respect his appreciation for the rule of three, I instantly lose that respect when he stated that he will not be going back to this universe. Twice. It seems that every time he tries to step out of the universe he gets scared and runs back to it. First he failed with Jersey girl so he made "Clerks 2." Now, he fails with "Cop Out" and "Red State", while not getting the box office results expected for "Zack and Miri Make a Porno," so he makes "Clerks 3." I like Kevin Smith, I am a big fan, but he needs to cut the ties with these movies already.

5) Superman/Clark Kent

Superman 1 & 2: Introducing comics to the silver screen for the first time, these movies are legendary. Christopher Reeves is the Superman anyone should think of when referring to the character, no one has or will ever top him.

Superman 3 & 4: Well Christopher Reeves is still great in the role, but I guess the creators like becoming the best definition for tripping at the finish line. There was no reason for these movies to have seen the light of day and all people associated with them should feel horrified for being apart of this.

Superman Returns:  I can't understand why someone thought this was a good idea. It actually rivals the later Christopher Reeves movies in how horrible it was. If you think of this as a silent movie, only meant for spectacle with no thrills, it might be considered okay. I just can't think of an audience that would want that.

Man of Steel: Trying to revive Superman in the new age and use the same tactic that "Batman Begins" used by making him more realistic. I guess that's why it doesn't fit, because you can't make Superman more realistic; he is the definition of fantasy, and has been that way for over half a century. Even if you look at it as a movie with no basis in comic books, it still doesn't make since with its own story line. Go ahead. Check the movie and see if you can find out what I am talking about.

You would think that with the backlash surrounding the most recent installment in the media they would try to keep clear of Superman. I guess DC is filled with gluttons for punishment since they are making another. The twist this time is that they have teamed him up with the only character in DC to make at least four good movies. Their overly popular poster boy. Batman. Now instead of ruining one character they are going to ruin two. Smart.

4) Rocky Balboa

Rocky: An instant classic and play by play on how to make a good movie. Your protagonist doesn't have to win, just endure and survive. The win can be in a different way than originally intended. He won in the sense that he got the girl. He won in the sense that he didn't get knocked when everyone said he would.

Rocky 2 and 3: Goes back to face Apollo and completely defeats the purpose of the first movie, then Rocky gets caught up in his own legend and is laid out by Mr.T. Don't worry he comes back to beat him too. They were okay movies but took a big, steaming dump on the original.

Rocky 4: Actually a great movie, even if there was a weird life size robot and it was all about the cold war villains of choice. He avenges his buddy Apollo and wins one for the home country. I also like the whole nature versus machine thing that they did in the montage.

Rocky 5: Finally reached the "what's the point?" level of a series. Following Rocky's extremely uninteresting son, and having nothing to do with boxing but instead what happens to people that were once famous.

Rocky Balboa: Part of Stallone's "I may be old but I can still kick you ass" film series (The expendables and Rambo being the other parts of that series), this movie finally convinced us that Rocky should probably die off. Putting him against a much younger man, it tries to re-live the first movie but fails almost on every conceivable level.

Now, we get to see what happens when Rocky starts to train Apollo's son, in the upcoming movie "Creed". I suspect he will be just as uninteresting when he plays a trainer rather than a fighter. I think they lost every fan during the last movie and now they want to rub salt in a still fresh wound.

3) Zombies

There are too many zombie movies out there for me to list them all without taking up an entire page. That's the problem actually. Zombies are now everywhere. It seems that everyone has a flawed zombie plan, or they have favorite zombie film. At this point, there are so many that they need their own sub-genre of film. You can't call them horror anymore, with movies like "World War Z" out there making them into action, or "Shaun of the Dead" making them into comedies. We need to give these characters a break. Let them just die out slowly, until the only thing left of them is "The Walking Dead."

2) John McClane

Die Hard: One of the greatest action movies in cinema, only topped by the third movie in the same series. They take an ordinary, down on his luck cop, and put him in an extraordinary situation when terrorists seize the building he is in. John McClane was the greatest example of an every-man and gave us one of the greatest rides of our lives.
Die Hard 2: Die Harder: An unfortunate circumstance. Most of what made the first movie so appealing is now gone, and it is very evident that they just wanted to make more money with this. He's still an every-man but he lost the troubles that made his every-man story so relatable.
Die Hard With a Vengeance: Now, I give you the single greatest action movie of anyone's life time. This movie took the original and improved on it. Simon was an original and inspiring idea that is still used today in some television shows. Samuel L. Jackson's character is the best example of "that guy that is hard to work with," when he always brings up his race and how much he hates white people. Any movie is going to be hard pressed to top this.
Live Free or Die Hard and A Good Day to Die Hard: They have now beaten this horse all the way dead and ruined this character for life. He is no longer an every-man, he is just another in a long line of action heroes. Like Rambo before him, this character was drug through the dirt until no one could stand to see the sight of him again.

So, it was announced that they are making "Die Hardest," and with a conclusive title like that I can only hope that this is the last we will see from John McClane. It seems that they are trying to relive the story line of the first (with the synopsis provided on IMDB), or more accurately make a messed up fan fiction of the first movie. Seriously, if this is someone's idea of a joke consider me gotten and take this garbage down.

1) Batman/Bruce Wayne

Batman and Batman Returns: Two truly amazing movies that show how much Tim Burton could offer the world of comic books. These movies just sell Batman and make it so he will always have a home on the silver screen (however, unfortunate that is today).

Batman Forever: Still great even if there were "Bat Nipples." You can't deny that Jim Carey and Tommy Lee Jones did excellent in their roles, nor can you say that Val Kilmer isn't one of the greatest Batmen of our time. Whenever I need a laugh or a fix for Batman (that isn't ultra realistic or animated) I turn on this movie.

Batman and Robin: So, we have another example of how badly someone can fail when trying to make a film. This movie is so disgustingly awful that if I were given a thousand dollars to watch it, I would take their money and burn the film on it.
Batman Begins: Taking a stab at making a more realistic Batman, this movie made the character cool again. Liam Neeson gives an amazing performance as does Micheal Caine, Gary Oldman, and Morgan Freeman. It sets the pace for where Batman should take us in the future.
The Dark Knight: The single greatest achievement in DC's history and the second greatest achievement in comic book movies. Nothing can describe this movie besides masterpiece, it is just that amazing.
The Dark Knight Rises: A far leap from its predecessors, this movie has earned the rank of okay. Nothing special to write home about. Tom Hardy, Anne Hathaway and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are great as new cast members, and the returning cast is great as always. It just seems to be missing something in terms of being actually compelling. A missed opportunity, but still good enough to be watchable.

You see that there are seven movies, all about the same character? This is the action version of a Jason Voorhees or Freddy Krueger. Now, they are coming out with an eighth movie featuring the sixth person (including Adam West) to dawn the cape and cowl. To put that into perspective for you, there are seven James Bonds and that series has been around since 1962. Its time to pick a new poster child DC, might I suggest Wonder Woman or John Stewart as Green Lantern.

Honorable Mention) The Skywalker Clan

Star Wars IV,V, and VI: Good.

Star Wars I,II, and III: Bad.

Here's hoping that Disney can make things right in seven, eight and nine, but with a family of crybabies like the Skywalkers I seriously doubt it. 

Next time on Dustin's Dirty Dozen: Top 12 illegal drug films with the "holiday of food" coming up I feel this is appropriate.