Top 12 characters that Hollywood needs to die

Hello loyal readers, and welcome to another edition of Dustin's Dirty Dozen. To make up for the last issue's appeal being so limited, I have come back with the top 12 characters that Hollywood needs to let die. This is a very broad subject, but I simply have compiled a list of the most annoying characters that keep getting sequels made, who have had a movie come out recently or plan on coming out with one. Now, they all didn't start out so annoying (at least most of them didn't) so I will be changing the format for this somewhat. I will give a small review of the movies that have come out featuring the character and end with why the character needs to die. So let's get started.

12) Peter Parker/Spider-Man

Spider-man: The first Spider-man with Tobey Maguire introduced us to the character and his origins. It brought comic books into the new millennium and started a trend that is continued to this day. It was great, everything from the acting to the story line was done well and left only slight instances that needed improvement.

Spider-man 2: Excelled past its predecessor in many ways. More drama, even better acting, and a more compelling story line all made this a home run for the studio.  

Spider-man 3: Is considered one of the worst movies to come out during its time. A slight to the comic book reading community, and alluded to only in a joking manner among fans.
The Amazing Spider-man: Shows us what it truly means to be okay. Not spectacular, but also not horrendous. Right in the middle. The acting was great; the story line was okay, and it seemed more like the comic. A reboot in the truest since of the word.

So why does he need to die if his movies are getting better? I have had enough of the angst. Plain and simple; he is an extremely annoying character, and I can't stand him anymore. I don't care about his new movie featuring Jamie Foxx as Electro. I am annoyed that he is still a character that matters in a universe where we have Thor and Iron Man. He was interesting towards the start of the new millennium but has no place in cinema anymore.

11) Richard B. Riddick

Pitch Black: A interesting look into sci-fi action movies. The main character is mysterious, not to be trifled with, and sets a nice pace to the movie. The acting goes a bit off the rails, but the story should make a nice home for this movie as a cult classic.

The Chronicles of Riddick: An okay movie. The only reason this movie reaches the level of okay is due to the action sequences being generally enthralling. The acting has improved but the story line makes this movie suffer. Mainly, the story robs Riddick of his mystery which was his main selling point in the first movie. If you need a mindless movie to keep your attention for a little bit, than it is right up your alley.
Riddick: Bad, just generally bad all around. The acting is over played and horrific to watch at some points. The story tries to bring back the good parts of the first movie, but makes one of the biggest gambles an action movie can make, and suffers for it. They let you see the god-like protagonist vulnerable. In most other cases this is a good thing, allowing the audience to relate, but with a character like Riddick the shoe does not fit. It also feels too rushed at points and drags at others. 

The gradual decline of the movies' quality is the main reason that Riddick needs to die. Away from that he needs to die before he loses anymore of his surrounding mystery (whatever is left that is). I can respect that Vin Diesel loves the character enough to keep making other movies to fund this series, but he has to throw up the white flag here. 

10) Barney Ross (and the rest of The Expendables)

The Expendables: Good movie for a fan of classic styled action films. Not much to bring to the table in terms of anything that would usually make a movie good, but if you need something to quench your thirst for blood and violence you can't go wrong here. The acting brings nothing new to the table, the story line is very straight and to the point, as well as the big names showing that they are still useful.

The Expendables 2: Basically the same movie as the first, and (in terms of sequels) that is a bad thing. They thought that bringing in more old action stars (like Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme) as well as giving Arnold and Bruce more screen time was a good substitute, but it just made the movie suffer more. I see no reason for anyone to see this movie if they have already seen the first.

So they are making a third installment of this series, and I don't know whether to classify this as a "doesn't have it anymore" or "never did." I don't understand what the appeal is after the first movie. They did what they set out to do already, which was to bring a bunch of action stars together. That was it. Why do they want to bring more and more actors back in an attempt to prove their validation in the new age? At this point, it seems that the only reason they are making a third is to follow Hollywood's rule of three, even if they didn't need a second.

9) Indiana Jones

Indiana Jones 1 through 3: Each movie holds a special place in every viewer's heart. There wasn't one of these movies that seemed to be trying to continue the series for no reason, instead breathing more and more life into Indie with every new installment. Each movie has iconic scenes that live on as a brilliant legacy for future movies to attempt to follow.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Nothing like the old movies. Most scenes in this are iconic because of their legendary failure. I always love seeing Harrison Ford in something, but his presence alone is not enough to bring this movie up from the depths. The depths being: an awkward story line that does not fit into the lore, surviving a nuclear explosion, and Shia Le Buff. Fans of any series have never been more disappointed in a movie, and hopefully will never have to be dragged through the dirt like this again.

So needless to say they shouldn't even be considering making a fifth installment, but they are. It is under the delayed status in IMDB, but I can only hope that status will go to cancelled. With the reaction to the fourth installment I can't even believe they would be trying to.

8) Jason Bourne

Bourne Identity, Supremacy, and Ultimatum:  An action series that showed us that action movies can be compelling both visually and intellectually. With an engaging story line, beautifully choreographed fight sequences, and expert acting this series earned the coveted "amazing trilogy" title. Meaning that none of the movies faltered in the lore or quality.

Bourne Legacy: Set as an extension to the book series (the trilogy was originally based on) this movie proved why the author didn't feel like writing. This movie is the definition of "only here for a guaranteed box office." They know the name will sell tickets even if it is a bad movie. Jeremy Renner was good in it but the rest of the movie couldn't engage me, and just made me feel bad that Jeremy had to be apart of this.

So it was announced that they are making a fifth installment. I don't understand why these movie makers keep on breaking the rule of three but they are suffering for it. I know I am not the only person around that hears they are making another Bourne movie and sighs. When your series used to make people excited and now invokes a sound of annoyance it is time to hang up your spurs, cowboy. At least Jeremy Renner has the Avengers to fall back on, but I don't know why his other movies are cluttering my theater.

7) Ethan Hunt

Mission Impossible 1 through 3: The single greatest set of spy movies to come out in our history. End of story. These movies don't falter or miss a single beat, when you are watching them you can't help but feel entranced by the action and story line. Giving us more memorable scenes than any series in its genre, this series will probably live on top for many years to come.

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol: Unnecessary, through and through. I love Simon Pegg, respect Tom Cruise as a good actor and nothing more, but this movie just killed what was making the series great. It makes it seem like they are again relying on the name to sell tickets, and not caring about if they should make it in the first place.

So, everything that applied to Jason Bourne applies here. The series is feeling dragged out, uninteresting, and ignores the rule of three. I don't know if action movies are trying to compete with the horror market when it comes to these sequels but whatever they are doing this is prime example why they should stop. I guess we'll see what happens in the fifth installment.

6) Jay and Silent Bob

Clerks: An interesting and compelling movie that was made into an instant cult classic. Showing audiences everywhere that you don't need a big budget, with amazing special effects to make a good movie when you have good dialogue.

Mallrats: Showing us what Kevin Smith can do with a larger budget, this movie does not disappoint. More brilliant dialogue and hilarious scenes. Appeasing the masses with yet another brilliant movie centered around a select group of individuals. The first minimum wage employees, and now people that like to hang out at malls.

Dogma: I felt the need to skip "Chasing Amy" but long story short it was okay. This movie on the other hand was outstanding. Looking at religion in a whole new way, and doing what Kevin Smith does best: giving us a good dialogue and even better story line.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: Keeping with what Kevin Smith does best and giving us even more Jay and Silent Bob. This movie had a little something in it for everyone and could be watched fifty times without losing its appeal.

Clerks 2: Kevin Smith's best work yet. Giving a defining conclusion to both Clerks and the rest of the Viewaskewniverse. We can finally, safely put these characters away and see what else Kevin Smith has to offer, when he isn't relying on Jay and Silent Bob.

Or can we? Now, he has made it official that he will be making a third "Clerks." While I respect his appreciation for the rule of three, I instantly lose that respect when he stated that he will not be going back to this universe. Twice. It seems that every time he tries to step out of the universe he gets scared and runs back to it. First he failed with Jersey girl so he made "Clerks 2." Now, he fails with "Cop Out" and "Red State", while not getting the box office results expected for "Zack and Miri Make a Porno," so he makes "Clerks 3." I like Kevin Smith, I am a big fan, but he needs to cut the ties with these movies already.

5) Superman/Clark Kent

Superman 1 & 2: Introducing comics to the silver screen for the first time, these movies are legendary. Christopher Reeves is the Superman anyone should think of when referring to the character, no one has or will ever top him.

Superman 3 & 4: Well Christopher Reeves is still great in the role, but I guess the creators like becoming the best definition for tripping at the finish line. There was no reason for these movies to have seen the light of day and all people associated with them should feel horrified for being apart of this.

Superman Returns:  I can't understand why someone thought this was a good idea. It actually rivals the later Christopher Reeves movies in how horrible it was. If you think of this as a silent movie, only meant for spectacle with no thrills, it might be considered okay. I just can't think of an audience that would want that.

Man of Steel: Trying to revive Superman in the new age and use the same tactic that "Batman Begins" used by making him more realistic. I guess that's why it doesn't fit, because you can't make Superman more realistic; he is the definition of fantasy, and has been that way for over half a century. Even if you look at it as a movie with no basis in comic books, it still doesn't make since with its own story line. Go ahead. Check the movie and see if you can find out what I am talking about.

You would think that with the backlash surrounding the most recent installment in the media they would try to keep clear of Superman. I guess DC is filled with gluttons for punishment since they are making another. The twist this time is that they have teamed him up with the only character in DC to make at least four good movies. Their overly popular poster boy. Batman. Now instead of ruining one character they are going to ruin two. Smart.

4) Rocky Balboa

Rocky: An instant classic and play by play on how to make a good movie. Your protagonist doesn't have to win, just endure and survive. The win can be in a different way than originally intended. He won in the sense that he got the girl. He won in the sense that he didn't get knocked when everyone said he would.

Rocky 2 and 3: Goes back to face Apollo and completely defeats the purpose of the first movie, then Rocky gets caught up in his own legend and is laid out by Mr.T. Don't worry he comes back to beat him too. They were okay movies but took a big, steaming dump on the original.

Rocky 4: Actually a great movie, even if there was a weird life size robot and it was all about the cold war villains of choice. He avenges his buddy Apollo and wins one for the home country. I also like the whole nature versus machine thing that they did in the montage.

Rocky 5: Finally reached the "what's the point?" level of a series. Following Rocky's extremely uninteresting son, and having nothing to do with boxing but instead what happens to people that were once famous.

Rocky Balboa: Part of Stallone's "I may be old but I can still kick you ass" film series (The expendables and Rambo being the other parts of that series), this movie finally convinced us that Rocky should probably die off. Putting him against a much younger man, it tries to re-live the first movie but fails almost on every conceivable level.

Now, we get to see what happens when Rocky starts to train Apollo's son, in the upcoming movie "Creed". I suspect he will be just as uninteresting when he plays a trainer rather than a fighter. I think they lost every fan during the last movie and now they want to rub salt in a still fresh wound.

3) Zombies

There are too many zombie movies out there for me to list them all without taking up an entire page. That's the problem actually. Zombies are now everywhere. It seems that everyone has a flawed zombie plan, or they have favorite zombie film. At this point, there are so many that they need their own sub-genre of film. You can't call them horror anymore, with movies like "World War Z" out there making them into action, or "Shaun of the Dead" making them into comedies. We need to give these characters a break. Let them just die out slowly, until the only thing left of them is "The Walking Dead."

2) John McClane

Die Hard: One of the greatest action movies in cinema, only topped by the third movie in the same series. They take an ordinary, down on his luck cop, and put him in an extraordinary situation when terrorists seize the building he is in. John McClane was the greatest example of an every-man and gave us one of the greatest rides of our lives.
Die Hard 2: Die Harder: An unfortunate circumstance. Most of what made the first movie so appealing is now gone, and it is very evident that they just wanted to make more money with this. He's still an every-man but he lost the troubles that made his every-man story so relatable.
Die Hard With a Vengeance: Now, I give you the single greatest action movie of anyone's life time. This movie took the original and improved on it. Simon was an original and inspiring idea that is still used today in some television shows. Samuel L. Jackson's character is the best example of "that guy that is hard to work with," when he always brings up his race and how much he hates white people. Any movie is going to be hard pressed to top this.
Live Free or Die Hard and A Good Day to Die Hard: They have now beaten this horse all the way dead and ruined this character for life. He is no longer an every-man, he is just another in a long line of action heroes. Like Rambo before him, this character was drug through the dirt until no one could stand to see the sight of him again.

So, it was announced that they are making "Die Hardest," and with a conclusive title like that I can only hope that this is the last we will see from John McClane. It seems that they are trying to relive the story line of the first (with the synopsis provided on IMDB), or more accurately make a messed up fan fiction of the first movie. Seriously, if this is someone's idea of a joke consider me gotten and take this garbage down.

1) Batman/Bruce Wayne

Batman and Batman Returns: Two truly amazing movies that show how much Tim Burton could offer the world of comic books. These movies just sell Batman and make it so he will always have a home on the silver screen (however, unfortunate that is today).

Batman Forever: Still great even if there were "Bat Nipples." You can't deny that Jim Carey and Tommy Lee Jones did excellent in their roles, nor can you say that Val Kilmer isn't one of the greatest Batmen of our time. Whenever I need a laugh or a fix for Batman (that isn't ultra realistic or animated) I turn on this movie.

Batman and Robin: So, we have another example of how badly someone can fail when trying to make a film. This movie is so disgustingly awful that if I were given a thousand dollars to watch it, I would take their money and burn the film on it.
Batman Begins: Taking a stab at making a more realistic Batman, this movie made the character cool again. Liam Neeson gives an amazing performance as does Micheal Caine, Gary Oldman, and Morgan Freeman. It sets the pace for where Batman should take us in the future.
The Dark Knight: The single greatest achievement in DC's history and the second greatest achievement in comic book movies. Nothing can describe this movie besides masterpiece, it is just that amazing.
The Dark Knight Rises: A far leap from its predecessors, this movie has earned the rank of okay. Nothing special to write home about. Tom Hardy, Anne Hathaway and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are great as new cast members, and the returning cast is great as always. It just seems to be missing something in terms of being actually compelling. A missed opportunity, but still good enough to be watchable.

You see that there are seven movies, all about the same character? This is the action version of a Jason Voorhees or Freddy Krueger. Now, they are coming out with an eighth movie featuring the sixth person (including Adam West) to dawn the cape and cowl. To put that into perspective for you, there are seven James Bonds and that series has been around since 1962. Its time to pick a new poster child DC, might I suggest Wonder Woman or John Stewart as Green Lantern.

Honorable Mention) The Skywalker Clan

Star Wars IV,V, and VI: Good.

Star Wars I,II, and III: Bad.

Here's hoping that Disney can make things right in seven, eight and nine, but with a family of crybabies like the Skywalkers I seriously doubt it. 

Next time on Dustin's Dirty Dozen: Top 12 illegal drug films with the "holiday of food" coming up I feel this is appropriate.

Top 12 Worst Movies Based on Comic Books

Hello, loyal readers and welcome to another edition of Dustin's Dirty Dozen; this week we delve deeper into our favorite superheros by looking at their worst moments with the top 12 worst movies based on comic books. Now, I will try to keep this as far away from geek rage as I can, but the movies did piss me off with how far away they were from the comics, so you will probably see a couple instances where I geek out. Anyways, let's get to it and start this crap train.

12) Blade: Trinity

I guess one of the three big movies that brought comic books into the mainstream world of cinema (X-Men, Spider-Man, Blade) had to have some bad sequels and none worse than this. I don't know who was calling for a showdown between Dracula and Blade but I sure wasn't one of them, because the concept is just flawed. Especially when taking into account the tagline of the previews for the movie. "He's fought their gods, He's fought their enemies and now he will meet their maker:" To me, God just outweighs maker (even if God or gods are makers). After you fight a god it kind of all goes down hill from there. Besides the overall concept being flawed, the effects were dated, even for the day and age it was created. It was like watching someone make a movie on their cell phone and use windows movie maker to apply the extra touches. The final nail in the coffin (so to speak) for this was the acting. Just because "The Rock" turns out to be a good actor doesn't mean lightning will strike twice when you cast "Triple H." Wesley Snipes seemed like his heart was no longer in the role and he was just collecting a paycheck, and Dominic Purcell was trying to compete with William Shatner in the overacting department. Ryan Reynolds and Jessica Biel were the only ones that actually seemed like they were actors throughout the entire movie. I don't say that just because Ryan Reynolds was topless through out a greater portion of the film.

11) Spawn

Remember when I said the graphics were dated for the movie above? Well that curse applies to this movie as well; when you can't even make fire look realistic there is a major problem with your movie. Now, I loved Todd MacFarlane's series on paper; it was original, controversial, and dark which was a breath of fresh air (not from Todd obviously but to the comic industry), but this movie did that series absolutely no justice. The villain was ridiculous and didn't even seem that necessary to the film, taking into account the final battle that may have lasted all of two minutes. My biggest problem was the acting, which is probably going to be a recurring theme by the end of this article. Michael Jai White, our anti-hero and main character Spawn, turns out to be another candidate for worst case of overacting. It takes a special talent to have an actor like Martin Sheen and make him seem like this was his first movie. The only saving grace of this entire catastrophe of a movie was John Leguizamo (in clown form), showing us the meaning of acting by playing something completely out of the norm for him and hitting the role out of the park.

10) Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Not going to lie to you all, a good portion of the reason this is on here has to do with geek rage about "Glactus the Cloud." I didn't necessarily expect the whole big head piece or purple/pink long johns, but I at least expected something humanoid or tangible. Any credibility that the first movie gained with brilliant casting (sans Jessica Alba) was destroyed in the blink of an eye by under-powering the Silver Surfer and equating the most dangerous entity in the universe to some gas that travels through space. Aside from that I'm going to take a stab in the dark and say that nobody in the theater could buy what the story line was trying to sell us. Something just tells me that with the way they were pitching the Silver Surfer he would have annihilated Dr. Doom before he had the chance to plan something. Onto the acting side of the movie, we get to see just how miserable people can be at their job when you make them do a bad sequel to an ok movie. Even Jessica Alba acted worse in this (if that is even possible) and proves to the audience that a career in modeling would  have probably been better, if not just more humane. 

9) Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance

What happens when you make a movie based off a beloved comic book character that drives fans to run for their nearest internet connection to complain to whomever will listen? You rub salt in the wound by making an even worse sequel to the hated feature, of course! It seemed like they just wrote down a bunch of cliche plot devices, tossed them in the air and started throwing darts at them, using whatever stuck to make a movie. Hidden coven of protectors? Check! Child made to be the chosen one whom our anti-hero has to eventually save? Check! Superhero loses his superpower? Check! In fact, the only thing thing that this movie seemed to be missing was a sudden but inevitable betrayal....oh, wait they did that too. I think I have talked enough trash about the story line; besides, at least the acting made up for it, right? Oh yeah, they still have Nicholas Cage as the lead role, but maybe Idris Elba can make up for that. No, nothing makes up for Nicholas Cage being the star in anything. Sorry.

8) Superman Returns

Our boy in blue made it on the list and he is not number one. This just has to show you how god awful the following movies are. Anyways, this movie should have been used for a guide line on "what not to do" by DC, but sadly they made "Green Lantern" and showed us how much worse things could have been. You would think that the no-name Brandon Routh would have been a smart move for the film, but that doesn't work if you pick a no-name that can't actually act. You would think that focusing more on character development and plot instead of action sequences would have been an interesting take on the series, but that doesn't work when you have limited dialogue. You would think that putting old footage of Marlon Brando playing Jor-El on would be cool, but than again, no you wouldn't. Ever. Since that steals a paycheck from a living actor and gives it to a dead one. The only thing I could say in redemption for this movie would be at least Kevin Spacey played the best Lex Luthor I have ever seen.

7) Elektra

I am going to admit something that may lose me my "Geek Club Membership Card," but it has to be said. I didn't mind Daredevil. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner may have been unwise choices as the lead roles, but at least there was Michael Clarke Duncan, Colin Farrell, and Jon Favreau to help pick up the pieces. Now that we are past that, any hope of this series being something to build off of was shot to death when they released "Elektra." Whatever good acting was in "Daredevil" was no where to be seen in "Elektra," with most of the cast giving performances better suited for daytime soap operas. The choreography was cheap as were the special effects. Finally, the main plot device of "assassin caring for her targets" is so over used that it might combat "amnesia" in the cliche department. If I had to try and defend this movie, I guess I could say Jennifer Garner fans can rejoice, getting to see her again. I just don't know who would possibly admit to actually being a Jennifer Garner fan.  

6) Spider-Man 3

Whoever thought Topher Grace was a good cast for Eddie Brock (A.K.A. Venom) needs to be locked up in a psych-ward. I just don't understand how you can do pretty well with the first two movies and completely demolish everything that was built up by making this load of garbage. Sad to say it makes me question director Sam Raimi. Take your pick of reasons why this movie was bad: "Emo" Peter Parker, unnecessary and confusing dance number, and improper use of Gwen Stacy. I think the most disappointing part of not only this movie but the entire series, was being led up to eventually expect The Lizard as a main villain, only to have him show up in the remake. On the less geek filled rage portion of this, you also have phoned-in acting, horrible plot, and bad choreography. I guess if I could say one good thing about this movie, it's that it finally got Tobey Maguire out of that awkward kid persona and into a fresh skin. Unfortunately that skin was doing a poorly choreographed jig to bad jazz music.

5) X-Men: The Last Stand

The great part about X-Men movies is that there are a plethora of bad ones to choose from, none worse than this. It is like they weren't even trying to make a good movie when they put Vinnie Jones as the Juggernaut, and in no way tied him to Charles Xavier. They started killing off characters just to try and get an emotional reaction from the audience, instead of actually making it relevant to the story line. They seemed to have picked up their makeup artist for Beast from one of those cheap, roadside horror houses. They used shock and awe to replace the lack of plot, and fell short shocking and awing the audience. Finally, they seemed to have too much going on at once, like the movie was flooded with half finished story. Jealous girlfriend, uncontrollable force, multiple personality, a few good guys versus an army of bad, etc. The list really does go on. I guess the one saving grace of this movie was Sir Patrick Stewart and Sir Ian McKellen, but even their performances suffered. It seemed like even they didn't believe in the movie.

4) Catwoman

Funniest part about this movie being on my list is searching for it in IMDB (to make sure I don't misspell names) and seeing the "people who liked this also liked..." "Steel," "Batman and Robin" and "The Spirit." Like the only people that like this movie are predestined to only like bad movies. Anyways, as if IMDB wasn't enough to sell my point this movie also got numerous Razzie Awards that ended up getting Halle Berry into the history books as the first actress to accept hers in person. This movie has to be somewhere as the definition of "bad cinema," like if I were to Urban Dictionary that term, a picture of S&M Catwoman would be there. Ok, so the story line was taken through a meat grinder and gave us an unbelievable plot sprinkled with cliche devices and a dash of boring the audience to tears. The acting was atrocious to anyone's standards and that is saying a lot with someone like Sharon Stone in the movie. It all just ended up being a movie that people actually interested in women could add to their "spank banks," which I guess is the only good thing I can say about this trainwreck.

3) Green Lantern

I heard a rumor Ryan Reynolds was going to be The Flash in a movie and got excited, than I heard it got changed to Green Lantern and was intrigued, then let down. Whoever did the special effects surrounding Parallax should be hiding under a rock somewhere from embarrassment, because when I saw him flying through space I felt like I was transported back to the "sixties D rated horror" genre. I was just waiting to see strings holding the monster in the air or a microphone slip into frame. I wanted so much from actors like Mark Strong, Tim Robbins, and Ryan Reynolds but it seemed like they were making fun of the movie just as much as the audience was. The relationship seemed fake and forced, only coming across as the characters might be friends as opposed to actually wanting to have a relationship. The only good thing about this movie was the line, "You don't think I would recognize you because I can't see your cheek bones?" and the audience yelling at the screen "Thank you!" They actually voiced all of our opinions about dumb masks or Clark Kent turning to Superman when he takes off the glasses and dawns a spit curl.

2) Hulk

I wish I could have been a fly on the wall of the room for whoever thought that making a hulk poodle was a good idea. I wish that the all star cast of Nick Nolte, Sam Elliott, and Eric Bana could have actually been in something that wasn't a horrible movie, but the performances that they put forth here make it seem like they were trying out for an elementary school play as opposed to being in a high budget movie. When Nick Nolte was angry he was REALLY ANGRY; when Eric Bana was angry it looked like he got hit in the testicles, and when Sam Elliott got angry he looked like a cowboy playing an army general. The story line revolving around Bruce Banner in an abusive home seemed out of place, and Hulk's strength was under-played. The only good thing I can say about this movie was that Hulk actually got bigger the angrier he got, which future incarnations failed to capture.

1) Batman and Robin

I need to put Arnold Schwarzenegger in for some sort of award for "Most puns said in a film career" because somehow that was just something you had come to expect from nineties Arnold. Let me get the geek rage out of my system real quick; Mr. Freeze isn't supposed to be muscular; Batgirl is the daughter of Jim Gordon; and Bane is actually intelligent not just a bruiser. Now that I have said that, George Clooney has acted better, and it seems that his portrayal of Batman is: what if Batman took an Ambien before dawning the cape and cowl. Shameless product placement kills any movie, especially when it is backed up by the line "Never leave the cave without it!" Chris O'Donnell should just not be allowed to act in anything anymore; I think we can all agree that he never needed to think about this career as a viable option. I can't think of anything to save this movie, just don't watch it. This movie could be the next "Rocky Horror Picture Show" with the audience screaming things at the screen in a fit of rage.

Honorable Mention) Steel

The only reason this didn't actually make the list is because I don't feel right criticizing a movie that I can't make it all the way through. This movie has the same effect on me that Nyquil has on a rowdy five year old. I have tried to watch it five times and have fallen asleep every time. Maybe that should tell you everything you need to know about the movie besides its main actor being Shaq. 

Next Time on Dustin's Dirty Dozen: Time to get us prepped for Halloween with the Top 12 Scariest Horror Characters!

Top 12 Best Movies Based on Comic Books

Hello, loyal readers and fellow geeks, welcome to another issue of Dustin's Dirty Dozen, this week delving even deeper into the world of panels with the top 12 movies based on comic books. Before anyone gets their panties in a bunch about their favorite movies not making the list, just know that this is one of the hardest lists I have had to make to date. A lot of movies I love (based upon the source material) didn't make the list, because this is mainly for movies that can stand on their own even without the source material. I know a couple of these stray pretty far away from the comics, and some you might think can't hold up in the mainstream market of today, but its my list and my opinion, which is why I am guessing you read this in the first place. So, to make us wait no longer, let me get started.

12) Batman (1989)

Tim Burton may be one crazy son-of-a-gun, but he knows how to make a decent film every now and again. As far as live action Batmans go, Micheal Keaton will always hold a special place in my heart for his performance in this and the sequel. I thought for the longest time that no one would ever be able to top Jack Nicholson's Joker, and in some ways I was right (not taking away from Heath Ledger), especially when you take into account the type of Joker that he was (mainly based off the older comic books where Joker killed people with electric hand buzzers and laughing gas). When you take the brilliant directing, the two stars and the script, then put it all together, you get something truly amazing that has held up for over two decades. 

11) Hellboy

Another brilliant director at the helm, Guillermo del Toro, takes this film and of course gives it his own amazing touch with the convincing monster creation. Not that Ron Perlman needs any help looking like a monster in the first place, but seeing him in the red paint and shaved horns sort of made this movie as good as it was. Not to be overshadowed by the freakishly huge man, Doug Jones plays the most convincing Abe Sapien that anyone could. The scenes were gorgeous, the acting amazing, directing on a completely different echelon; the movie all in all was just outstanding.

10) Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Michael Cera's second best role in his acting career, right after the bit he played in "This is the End," and amazingly enough the character was based off of an awesome comic book. Something also has to be said for Mary Elizabeth Winstead seeming to grow some roots as a chameleon for the actress community. This movie basically just showed us that not all comic book movies have to be based on books that are serious and feature big name heroes (no, I didn't forget that the mask was originally a comic book). With stupendous visuals, some of the best acting that any actor in this movie has shown audiences before, and hilarious video game references throughout, this movie was a real winner. 

9) Captain America: The First Avenger

Of the "pre-Avengers" movies that led to eventual epic, this one was the best, by far. I'm not necessarily the biggest Captain America fan to begin with, but this movie was close to changing my mind about the character, if not making at least a step in the right direction. Chris Evans gets to add yet another comic book-based movie under his belt after already doing "The Losers," "Fantastic Four," and "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World." Hugo Weaving lends us his acting legend for the most convincing and real super villain that has come to us at the time this movie was released with The Red Skull, and Tommy Lee Jones even gets in on the action, giving us a command, albeit short lived, performance. Consider this article a written version of me holding my breath for "Captain America: Winter Soldier."

8) Kick Ass

When I first heard of this movie,, I was keeping current with the "limited" comic book series that was only four issues deep at the time. So my first reaction was "damn, Hollywood must really be stretching for ideas if they are basing a movie off of a series that isn't even complete," and never have been more wrong to make such a rash first impression. Even with it straying away from the source material at points, the movie was still gold, and most surprising of all, was filled with "no name" actors. Aaron Taylor-Johnson making a good first impression on the big screen with his Kick Ass characters, and Chloe Grace Moretz finally being able to escape the curse of playing bit characters in movies. The second most surprising part of this movie was them making Nicholas Cage actually seem like a real actor for a couple of minutes. The sequel gave us some good parts as well but couldn't quite capture the lightning in a bottle like this did. 

7) Superman (1978)

What can I say about this movie besides that without it I can almost guarantee that we would not have the comic book movies of today. The graphics may be a little (or a lot) dated to today's standards, but you just can't turn a blind eye to the movie that gave comic books some respectability on the big screen. Of course, the actors are legendary now for their roles; Christopher Reeve sets the standard for all actors that would dawn the red "S" after him (or at least should have been a point of reference in Brandon Routh's case). The scenes are going to live on in our memories forever, and hopefully one day this character can be given his due once again in years to come, even if I hate him.

6) V for Vendetta

Anarchy, Martial Law, Conspiracy: All great plot drivers for a movie and given to us brilliantly by rookie director James McTeigue. Hugo Weaving again givies us iconic and unreachable work as main character and "terrorist" V. Natalie Portman, thankfully being torn away from the "Star Wars" curse of not being able to find subsequent work after appearing in the franchise (taking a page from Harrison Ford) and finding a good home as love interest and "sidekick" Evey. Brilliant choreography, dialogue, and cinematography to join the acting and directing make this a must watch for anyone, even if you are not into the comic book world.  

5) Watchmen

Zack Snyder had to be getting a little full of himself after making this movie, when he followed it up with "Sucker Punch" and "Man of Steel" (at least "Sucker Punch" was half way decent). I guess I don't blame him with how absolutely amazing it was (given, this is definitely straying from the source material, but not dictating my decision making process). I would say for the year it was made, it had to have had the best writing I saw, when you take into account the four-year term of Nixon and how he would handle the Cuban missile crisis or just the ending itself. The acting was amazing across the board, but the two that stole the show were Jeffrey Dean Morgan as The Comedian and Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach. All in all it was original (given the source material) and inspiring, if nothing else, for future movies to think about their concepts of nudity.

4) Iron Man 3

Aww, no first "Iron Man," huh? Deal with it. Somehow, this movie managed to escape the curse of not living up to the original by being superior to the first in almost every way possible (not that the first movie was bad at all). It gave Tony Stark some much needed depth and psychological crises that the character had been calling for ever since his trip to the silver screen. It gave us the most superior Iron Man villain in comparison to any of the previous installments, and even made his character original and inspiring, made even more so by Ben Kingsley's amazing acting. It not only gave Iron Man closure, but seemingly the actor that played him as well (since the series was the main revitalizing point of his career). It gave us iconic scenes and brilliant cinematography, that, if it wasn't for Pacific Rim, would have been the best of the year, if not the decade. Something has to be said for this movie also showing us that, even after the triumph that was "The Avengers," these movies will not sit back and just expect a box office from the characters that they are attached to, but instead give us a truly amazing piece of cinema to live on in our collections and hearts. Many thanks to director Shane Black for following up "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang" with an equally amazing movie.

3) Sin City

I have a major hard on for noire-styled films, especially ones that are based off of a comic book given to us by a legend in the field, Frank Miller. Even if you take away the fact that the movie basically translated the comic book word for word (only leaving out bits and pieces, here and there), you still have an amazing piece of cinema given to us by over-the-top director, Robert Rodriguez. The cinematography was insane and showed us just what could be accomplished with the proper amount of green screen. I don't even know who I can give more respect to among the actors, when you have top performances from Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Clive Owen, Rosario Dawson, Benicio Del Toro, Tommy Flanagan, Micheal Clarke Duncan, it is almost impossible. Let's just say everyone was amazing and should be given all the respect in the world for their parts. If you haven't seen this movie yet, you seriously have to question where your values are in life, because you have missed out on one of the great movies of our generation.

  

2) The Dark Knight

If Heath Ledger was alive today, I am positive that he would have made a name for himself among the acting legends that have lived in our heads for decades. Unfortunately, he only left us with a movie which should be a standard met by any Batman movie to come (one even "The Dark Knight Rises" couldn't live up to). I guess we will all have to respect that, as sad as it is. I don't think I can really say anything about this instant classic that hasn't been said before, but I guess I'll just reinforce how absolutely astonishing this movie was. The storyline was the choice element to pay attention to in this movie, even taking into account Heath Ledger. The story gave us a hero making himself out to be the villain for the greater good, a roller coaster ride of emotions to include the fake death of a certain main character and the fall of a great citizen into darkness. Anarchy was the biggest plot device of this movie, and what better character to steer our anarchism ship then the Joker? When I said that this movie should be a standard met by any Batman movie to come, I may have been too narrow minded; I think it should be the standard for DC entertainment. Period.

1) The Avengers

If the box office and anticipation for this movie wasn't enough, the fact that this film stands alone as one of the most amazing MOVIES of all time should say something. I can't stress enough just how much respect I have for Joss Whedon for not only making this movie, but some of my favorite series of all time. Any other person might have taken one the highest grossing box offices and ran, but not him; he will be back to give us a sequel and  spin off show that both have some monstrous shoes to fill. I just love that this movie could have been the most absolutely disappointing movie of all time after being hyped up for four years, but instead gave us something to be enjoyed for the rest of our lives and our children's lives. Take your pick on the reasons why this movie was so good: acting, story, cinematography, dialogue, etc. Everything in it was superior to any other movie released during the year, and I'll even go as far as to say of our generation. So, here is to hoping that the sequel doesn't suck, but it should be hard for it to with Joss Whedon at the helm again.

Honorable Mention) X2

Of this unspeakably long series, some credit has to be given to the second installment for actually being good (not that the first one was bad necessarily). After living through the disappointments of so many sequels, we still have this movie to look back on and say "hey, at least they weren't always so shitty."

Next Time on Dustin Dirty Dozen: Top 12 Worst Movies Based on Comic Books because I haven't done a list of horrible movies in a while and I still want to talk about comics.

Top 12 Comic Book Animated Movies

*Spoilers throughout this article*

Hello, loyal readers, and welcome to another issue of Dustin's Dirty Dozen. This issue will be on the top 12 comic book animated movies, marking the end of animation month. This list will not include the hybrid comic-animation series' (I.E. "Wolverine: Origins" or "Iron Man: Extremis"), nor will it contain any of the Marvel anime that was popular on "G4TV." However, it will cover the other animated pictures from both DC and Marvel. I hope you all enjoy, excelsior!

12) Ultimate Avengers 1 & 2

"Marvel" doesn't do too well with animation, but every once in a while a gem will come through all of the crap. This is an example of one of those gems (or rather 2); albeit, not exactly first place material. The voices in this range from good to awful, so I can't really make that a justification as to why this should be on here. One of the main reasons this made the list was for my favorite scene in both films, the Hulk fight, wherein the Hulk actually picks up Thor's magically imbued hammer. The hammer is supposed to be impossible for anyone but Thor (or whomever the hammer deems worthy) to lift; despite this, Hulk lifted it anyway. Besides that, you have a great prelude to the live-action films that Marvel came out with afterwards; and all-in-all, a good time.

11) Superman: Doomsday

Let me just put this out here, I am not a fan of Superman in the least; I think he is too overpowered and boring (joined that band wagon long ago), and his character could have been so much more. Maybe that is why his most popular moment (his death) made the list, because I love seeing him get owned. Even though the event itself turned out to be a hoax and superman turned out fine in the end, it was still an important point in comic book history. My favorite scene in this movie has to be the fight scene between Doomsday and Superman; really, that is the only point in the movie worth noting, but makes it good enough to make this list.

10) Green Lantern: Emerald Knights 

"Green Lantern: Emerald Knights" took on the role of telling the multiple stories of a number of Green Lanterns (much like "Batman: Gotham knight"), and turned every story into something amazing. Nathan Fillion, found his way into the voice of Green Lantern (Hal Jordan), and proved himself amazing enough to make repeat appearances. The best scenes of this movie were definitely between Mojo (the Green Lantern planet) and Laira's back story. Laira had amazing action sequences, and Mojo is just Mojo... he is a planet. He is a planet with the power of the Green Lanterns; just let that get into your head and join the rest of us in awe. 

9) Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths

I love parallel universes; the story arcs that follow them are always interesting and unique ways of looking at your favorite superheroes. So, of course, "Crisis on Two Earths" made the list based on that merit, but another good point was the voices. James Woods' acting for Owlman was sinister and sent a chill up your spine listening to it. Owlman's character was the best part of this movie by far; as a ruthless, cunning, and driven alternate to Batman, he stole the show and ended up being the baddest of bad guys. The fight between him and Batman is still one of my favorite scenes, especially Batman's line at the end: "There is a difference between you and me. We both looked into the abyss, but when it looked back at us, you blinked." Just has Batman's essence wafting over it.

8) Superman/Batman: Public Enemies

This is the closest DC came to rivaling the storyline of Marvel's superheroes, who are mostly looked at as outlaws. Finally, the characters of Batman and Superman gained a little more depth, making them go through society treated as the enemies of the free world. I love any movie that reinstates the amazing talents of Tim Daly and Kevin Conroy; they are the originals, and most people alive during the airing of the "Batman: the Animated Series" know Kevin Conroy as THE voice of Batman. The best scene in this (besides the friendly banter between the two icons the movie is based on) has to be the royal rumble between seemingly every bad guy in existence. You see all the people that use powers as weapons (such as ice, strength, size, etc) together and somehow it all just fits into one big ass kicking, the likes of which no movie could have done better. 

7) Wonder Woman

Oh, DC; it is too hard to make a live action Wonder Woman movie, yet here is an amazing Wonder Woman animated movie that holds the character in a new regard. Oh well, I guess we will have to deal with thirteen Ben Affleck Batman movies before we get the third member of "the big three." Anyways, this movie was amazing for two reasons; it held, in high regard, the Greek mythology of Wonder Woman's backstory, as well as the voices. Hades has to be the best part of this movie, showing him as a fat, arrogant, slob of a god, yet still so menacing and powerful. When he pulls out Ares' son from the pits of Tartarus and shows him to Ares as his slave, I couldn't help wanting to punch Hades for Ares. On the Female side of voices, you have Keri Russell playing the lead role as Wonder Woman, and Rosario Dawson playing the overly battle-hardened Artemis; both did amazing and made me wish for a recurring roles for them in future DC projects. On the male side, you have Nathan Fillion again as a fighter pilot and womanizer, Steve Trevor (Wonder Woman's semi-love interest), and Oliver Platt playing the aforementioned Hades and stealing any scene he was apart of. 

6) Batman: Year One

I may have loved "Batman: Begins;" however, this movie just seemed to be everything that the theatrical movie was missing. What the general public has to understand is that the comic book "Batman: Year One" which is what "Batman Begins" and this were based off, was mainly about Jim Gordon, with a few Batman scenes as filler. This movie celebrated that fact and made Jim Gordon the badass that he was supposed to be, while subsequently giving him more depth. The best scene in this movie has to be Jim Gordon giving detective Flass the beating of his life. If any other scene could come close to it, the scene in question is definitely Jim Gordon's affair, giving his character more of a dark and troubled edge. Voices in this were amazing (as always when Andrea Romano is in charge of voice directing and casting), and the major scene thieves were Bryan Cranston, Eliza Dushku and Alex Rocco. If there is any truth to Bryan Cranston playing the new Jim Gordon in the live action movies I know that he will do well since he has already done it. Alex Rocco always plays the best gangster, and Eliza Dushku hopefully will be our next Catwoman with the performance she has given here serving as her resume.

5) Batman: Under the Red Hood

The comic book this is based off of is considered one of the hardest slaps to the face of all time in the comic book community. The comic book (A death in the family) killed off Jason Todd (the second incarnation of Robin) after DC took a poll from the readers on if they should and said "he would never come back;" so when he did, it sent off more than a few loyal fans. I don't know how they did it, but, this movie is one step in the right direction of fixing that mistake. It made the revival of Jason Todd seem more believable; although it's hard to be any less believable than Superboy punching something so hard that reality itself breaks. The acting was awesome even without the original "Batman: Animated Series" cast being in it, with performances from Jensen Ackles as the Red Hood and Wade Williams as Black Mask stealing the movie.

4) Planet Hulk

The comic event that followed the "Civil War" in marvel comics was "World War Hulk," and it was brilliant in every sense of the word. "Planet Hulk" was the comic about the events leading to that amazing series, and it held up just as much as other off-shoots did. This was the movie adaptation of that comic series, and I can't help but love it all the same. Anything with Beta Ray Bill smacking the hell out of Hulk with Stormbreaker has to be nothing less than amazing. The best voice of the movie was the main one, Rick D. Wasserman as the Hulk, since the hulk had a lot more to say than "rawr." There is nothing more that I can say about this movie other than if you have any respect for comic books at all, you will go read the World War Hulk series...Now.

3) Batman: The Dark Knight Returns (Pt. 1 & 2)

Carrie Kelley is the best Robin in any Batman universe by far, and any movie designed with her in mind is going to be outstanding. Why is she the best you ask? Aside from being the most original of the four, she was also the one you could relate to the most: Obsessed fan girl that takes to the streets with a store-bought Robin costume, and gets to live all of her fantasies while she fights along side her icon in battle. Of course there is more to the movie than that, the best scene proving to be the Batman/Superman battle that ended in Batman's favor. Want to find out how? Please watch it.

2) Justice League : The Flashpoint Paradox

Remember when I said that I am a fan of multiverse storyline? Well that applies to time paradoxes as well. The voices in this movie are amazing. When you have the talents of Justin Chambers, C. Thomas Howell, and Michael B. Jordan, it's always going to be good. It's hard to pick a scene I like more. When you have a skinny, agoraphobic Superman; Thomas Wayne shooting up Gotham as Batman (instead of Bruce); and the love scene between Wonder Woman and Aquaman; the choice is almost impossible. Quite possibly the death of Hal Jordan was the best scene in the movie, but as I said, the choice is so hard. This movie, being the most recent installment from DC animation, is proof that the DC animated movies just keep getting better and better. It makes me unable to wait for the next installment.

1) Justice League: Doom

Perfection. I couldn't find one thing wrong with this movie and that is rare for me, being a cynical asshole. I loved the revival of the old "Justice League: Animated Series" cast, with the addition of Nathan Fillion, again taking the reins of Hal Jordan. The scenes are, again, almost impossible to choose from, to think about which one would be the best. Who could forget Martian Manhunter sweating out magnesium due to a poison-laced drink that was given to him by a disguised enemy, and thus being lit on fire. How about Wonder Woman being drugged, making her envision everyone she meets as Cheetah, which in turn makes her fight non-stop until her heart almost gives out. There is also a bomb being bolted through the Flash's wrist that makes him run forever, taking a page from "Speed," since if he decelerates, the bomb explodes. Hal Jordan is infected by the Scarecrow "fear toxin," and left to spend the rest of his days crying over a woman that he was too late to save. Superman is shot through the heart by kryptonite, and no one knows how to save him, since you can't simply pierce his skin. I guess the best though was Bruce Wayne being buried alive with the skeletons of his parents. I mean could you imagine that shit? Having a vendetta against your parents' murder, so strong, that you take a vow to stop crime in the city in which it happened, then being buried with their skeletons, left to spend the rest of your days looking at the very thing that drove you to a life of crime-fighting. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Too bad none of the ways to kill the Justice League actually panned out. Thanks, Cyborg.

HM) Doctor Strange

Doctor Strange is my favorite superhero of all time, and I am still waiting for a live-action movie with him as the lead. The cartoon movie was only ok, but I just know I would be hating myself later if I did not put this on here. "By the light-by the Truth-by Sangreal and sword and Pendragon's Fire-by Defender's might and Dragon Circle's destiny-BEHOLD THY BANE!"

Next time on Dustin's Dirty Dozen: More comics with the top 12 live-action comic book movies.