SPECIAL EDITION: The comparison of movies based on something

*Disclaimer* There will be no pictures here, just read it. I don't feel like I'm breaking any new ground with this comparison, I just thought it would be funny. I will still be coming out with a list this week.
*Warning* This post is going to contain a lot of grammar mistakes. It just dawned on me that I should make this and I didn't feel like bothering my editor with two issues this week. Pretty much, this was just too long for me to feel right about posting it as a Facebook status. I will do what I can about the errors, but I don't necessarily fix too many of my Facebook statuses. Anyways, here it is.

After watching "Mortal Instruments: City of Bones" I have come up with a comparison for movies based on books that I have read. Movies based upon books are like rolling a D20 (twenty sided dice for those of you who don't play dungeons and dragons).

You got your critical 20-18: Like "The Lord of the Rings"/"The Hobbit," where the movie leaves out a good amount of moments and characters from the book, but the fans don't care because the movie is so blindingly awesome that everyone just enjoys the ride.
Than you have 17-15: Like the "Harry Potter" series, where a fair amount of fans are pissed off by them adding to or subtracting from the books, but they don't really care because in the end they know they are going to buy all eight movies on bluray or dvd or both.
Than there is the 14-12: Like the "Hunger Games" series, where the movie is fairly accurate, sans a couple of minor annoyances, and the fans don't necessarily love it nor do they hate it. They might buy it or they will wait for it to come to Netflix.
After that you have 11-9: Like any movie based on a Stephen King novel where it is expected that they are going to mess up the ending and piss off all of his fans, but the movies themselves if looked away from the source material are amazing and live on in the horror classics. Sure to scare us anytime we watch them.
Followed by 8-6: Like the "Twilight" series, where the fans are as equally pissed off at the inaccuracies as Harry Potter fans to their movies are, but the movies spawn some weird cult following where the fans will jump in front of a freight train for Edward or Bella. The movies are horrible because of the source material but somehow the train wreck is interesting to watch.
After which you have 5-3: Like Mortal Instruments where they try to fit everything from the book into the movie in a short amount of time making it feel rushed as hell, and still leave out and add too much stuff. Not only that but make a huge reveal in the first movie that makes the rest of the series not worth watching. The movie by itself is ok but probably won't spawn any new readers.
Finally you have the fumbles 2-1: Like Percy Jackson where fans want to go to the house of every person involved in making the movie and torture them to the point of death for messing up the movie so horribly. It's like the creators skimmed the cliff notes of the book and decided to try and make money off of it anyways.

It makes me wonder how the upcoming "Fifty Shades of Grey" movie is going to do, when that is based off of shitty source material as well.
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After I thought of that, I thought about other comparisons for movies based on something and got the following.

Movies inspired by true events or based on a historical figure are like playing "Monopoly."

You get free parking upon rolling doubles for the first time and avoid anyone's property: The movie is spectacular and doesn't try to make the person into some kind of saint. In the case of inspired by true events, it tells the story in an interesting and less boring way. Like "The Social Network" or "Argo."
You roll doubles a second time and land on a hotel that takes a good portion of your finances but doesn't bankrupt you: The movie is okay but lacks vision and plays up the main character as a saint. In the case of based on true events, the movie is a bit dull, or you can tell that nothing in this movie actually happened but is still fine to watch. Like "The Conjuring" or "42."
You roll doubles a third time and land on a blue property with a hotel, you are almost forced into bankruptcy now having only one not mortgaged property with no houses or hotels, and you are in jail: The very concept of the movie is offensive to people and makes them want to boycott your film. You go to see it, thinking that if a movie is that offensive it must be worth the watch. Turns out the movie is horrible and you join the boycott out of spite for having paid to see it. If no one is starting a boycott on the movie because no one was offended you start a boycott on the film because it was just that bad. Like "30 minutes or less" or "Jobs."

It makes me wonder how the newest Nelson Mandela movie is going to do, with a great actor like Idris Elba at the helm.
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Movies based upon comic books are like flipping a coin.

Either you call it right: The movie is the best thing you have ever seen, regardless of how true it is to the source material and you will do anything in your power to make sure that it gets the box office it deserves. Like "The Avengers," "The Dark Knight," or "Sin City."
Or you call it wrong: The movie is so blatantly bad that you wait until it is in the bargain bin at gas station and buy it. Only to cover it in lighter fluid and set it on fire so its filth no longer has to infect the rest of the world. Like "Batman and Robin" or "Hulk."

Makes me wonder how the "Thor" sequel is going to do, with Natalie Portman back as the damsel in distress
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Finally, you have movies based upon video games which is like your friend getting drunk at a party and throwing up all over the place. It is funny to watch but you are still pissed because he just threw up all over your carpet. Like every movie based on a video game to date that wasn't "Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children"

Doesn't make me wonder about a damn thing, just makes me hope for something to break the cycle of horrible bullshit.

Top 12 Deaths

Warning : This blog is going to contain spoilers for all the listed movies and T.V. Shows.

Hello, loyal readers and friends. Dustin Anderson here giving you his Dirty Dozen Death Scenes in films and T.V. Shows. This will be my first blog of Dustin's Dirty Dozen and I wanted to hit the ground running with a topic that should spark a lot of controversy between you all like who should be on this list at all, order or what have you. My hope is take this to a video format since I know how much people seem to hate reading. However, until that time I will be posting one of these every three days. Thank the military for that schedule. I hope you all enjoy and please post any comments, questions, criticism in the comments section of the Facebook status this will be posted on. Thank you.

12) Obi-Wan Kenobi Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

Yes, before this starts of course I am huge fan of Star Wars, as should be every red blooded American for this is one of the most, if not the most powerful series in the movie industry to this day. If you disagree please remember that you are talking to a fan boy so realize that most of my arguments are going to be diluted with idolization and incoherent points. As for why he deserves to be on this list, ask any real Star Wars fan the death he/she remember's more than any and the top three will be Obi, The Emperor and Greedo. The reason Greedo is among them is the very reason why he is not included in this list, people only remember his death from George Lucas messing with the original formula and making him shoot first instead of Han Solo. Not good enough to be up here. Now, it actually was hard for me to choose between the Emperor and Obi. Each one of the deaths almost make just as much of an impact on the audience as the other and being as how I was unfortunately not born early enough to see the original trilogy in theaters and gauge the viewers reaction to each death I had to make the decision based on logic and how I felt about them. You know, like I was a critic or something. Obi wins because although Emperor Palpatine's death signifies Darth Vader's breaking away from the dark side's control Obi's just seemed more about sacrifice. I know Vader sacrificed himself to save his son, in the end, but think about this with the context of the new prequel trilogy (which I try to refrain from doing as much as possible). As Obi-Wan, you are fighting a battle against your Padawan that you have already fought twenty or so years before and won. By all accounts this guy should be dead. You are old, tired and there is this new, young upstart Jedi, the son of the very Padawan that you defeated and he brings with him a new hope (yeah, that's the reason for the title). So being old and feeble you do the only thing you can do to be of any use and die, making sure this boy sees it. You forfeit and allow yourself to die giving the boy the drive to become a jedi and take down the dark side and the empire. Pretty messed up right? Well, that's what a good death is sometimes comprised of. Sacrifice and being monumentally important to the story.

11) Tommy Williams The Shawshank Redemption

Another extremely difficult choice between Tommy Williams and Brooks Hatlen but again I am going to invoke my inner critic and go with what he tells me. With Brooks' death came the message of adjusting to life outside of prison and what tends to happen more often than not when you fail to. A good message but Tommy's death was just a great deal more powerful. The message from his death that I got was that doing the right thing does not always pay off as you think it would. A very dark and hard lesson to learn from life experiences. My first time watching this movie the anticipation up until the point he gets shot literally had me on the edge of my seat and had me cursing at my television screen when the bullet found its way home. The scene had an air of menace surrounding it, everything from Warden Norton's acting to the cinematography just hinted that something really messed up was about to happen. When it finally did I just felt so depressed thinking "Damn and things were just about to get good for poor Andy Dufresne" it actually made me depressed. It was more than just an old man finding his time at the end of a rope, it was a guy that just got his GED, had a kid and a life ahead of him that died because he wanted to do right by his mentor. The movie made me feel for this kid in the utmost way possible than took him away. Depressing, inspiring and ultimately an amazing death in cinema.

10) The Terminator Terminator 2: Judgement day

You see the picture above this text? You remember it? Yeah, that's what I thought everyone does and if you don't please come and borrow Terminator 2 from me this instant. The story of a boy and his robot or more accurately the story of a boy and his muscle bound, Austrian killing machine. John Connor befriending the very thing that was trying to kill his mother in the first movie.  If you can't get behind the love between a boy and a machine please destroy your television right now. Did you do it? If you did I send my sincerest apologies for the recent death in your family that I was indirectly the cause of. If you didn't you get my point and can see what I am talking about. Maybe that was a bad comparison since your television isn't sentient but more to the point what I got from this was a deep sense of loss. Which when it comes right down to it is what death is supposed to do. As the audience you get attached to this relationship and get to see the impact it has on the robot when he dies doing the action that he was taught by his most unexpected friend. You also see the impact it has on the troubled youth who finally got to make a friend (possible father figure) only to see him melt away into liquid, hot goo. Dynamic in its imagery and unforgettable in its delivery. Plus, as it stands right now, this is the closest that you are going to get to The Iron Giant being anywhere on this list since he doesn't really die.

9) Katsumoto The Last Samurai

Say what you want about the movie itself. Tom Cruise shouldn't be the last samurai because hes white, it puts samurai to high on a pedestal since back in that day they were actually kind of assholes, whatever. No one can deny the power behind this scene expertly delivered from Ken Watanbe. I give most of the credit of this scene to Ken and the cinematographer who must have been descended on high from some sort of pantheon of gods. It gives you Tom Cruise granting his friends last request to die by the sword. It ties in with his speech about cherry blossoms. It leads you to one of the most important lines of the movie "tell me how he died" "I will tell you how he lived." It gives the movie that much needed conclusion and turns into more than just Tom Cruise being the last samurai, making it more about the journey he took to becoming the last samurai.

8) Benjamin Buford "Bubba" Blue Forrest Gump

"I've gotta find Bubba!" dead, yup we get to find Bubba clinging on to life in a thick of pomfrons crying out for his buddy Forrest to come to him.When Forrest finds him Bubba tells him he just wants to go home and Forrest can't find the words to tell him that he won't be able to. A subject that hits Forrest so hard that he is disinclined to continue speaking about it when he regales his fellow bus patrons about his time in Vietnam. If you need a tissue I don't blame you this is a real tear jerker. You as the viewer more than likely know about Vietnam and how many soldiers were lost to it so you can expect a lot of death. However, you can't expect them killing off his best, good friend Bubba. Well maybe you could but that doesn't make it any less of an impact when you hear Bubba's weak voice calling Forrest's name from under the bush and the look of sheer dread that crosses his face when he sees him laying there knocking on death's door.

7) William Wallace Braveheart

"FREEDOM!" for everyone except the Jews right Mel? I don't care about Mel Gibson's politics really, he makes a good flick. After being betrayed by the man he put so much faith in William Wallace finds his head on the chopping block (or chopping cross) quite literally. After yelling his final word, he looks to find his friends in the crowd and past them sees his dead wife walking through the crowd and smiles knowing that he will soon be with her in the after life. The ax comes down and he drops her token of affection that he carried with him everywhere signifying his death and him now being with his beloved. Being a martyr may not be the best way to get your point across but it is definitely effective. This scene and the movie it was attached have to be Mel Gibson's best work and that is saying a lot about the movie. So, again, say what you want about the man and his personal life but leave his acting and directing out of it because this movie proves that he is more than antisemitism. Although, that may be what he is best remembered for. 

6) Samantha I am Legend

Hey, you can't have an animal on the top 12 deaths in movies and t.v. shows! Watch me. This death is one of the few that almost brought me to tears. I don't know why in my brain I find an animal's death much more depressing than a humans when I watch it on a movie but I do. Especially in this instance. For those of you that say, "What about Old Yelller?" Yes, that was also a dead dog but did Travis Coates have to strangle his dog to death and was he the only living thing in his life? Nope. I can only hope that I would never have to go through an apocalypse, see my family die right before my eyes while thinking they were about to be safely away from the madness I am to be stuck on, all to have my dog be the only living thing I can have attachment too and end up having to strangle her to death after she gets bitten by a vampire/zombie crossbreed. Just thinking about this scene should get most people choked up. While in the theater seeing this movie I got to see the look of distress on everyone's faces. Hands over there mouths or covering there eyes they felt for this dog (and for some reason there was a big gasp when they found out Sam stood for Samantha). As well they should feel for this dog she was trained, loyal and adorable. Now, excuse me while I try to stop thinking of having to strangle my own German Shepard (Eva).

5) David Del Rocco The Boondock Saints

Oh, Rocco, you crazy Italian bastard. You will be missed. Also, apparently, replaced by a Mexican in the sequel. No one likes to see good friends die and no one likes to see the comic relief of a movie die, so, Rocco hits us on two fronts. Whether it be the slow motion scene of his bloody head raising to see the man that's about to end his life or his final words to the brother's to keep doing what they are doing, this death was just too significant to put any lower on the list. Now if only we could have had the same performance from his predecessor the second movie might have actually been worth while... no not even than. 

4) Hoban "Wash" Washburne Serenity

I have often been the loudest cry for people to get into the most understated series in the world, Firefly. The brilliance of this series can't be screamed at you loud enough, even if it is about space cowboys. So when I say I can't really put into words how much Wash's death upset me please take my full meaning. If there is one thing that the incredible Joss Whedon knows more than anything it is how to make you care about a character for so long and then quickly kill him ( or her in the case of Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and watch your face twist in absolute horror. This, as is the case for most Joss Whedon's  series or movies, happens in the blink of an eye. So fast that you will probably be saying "holy shit, did Wash just die?" which I think adds to the loss. In most cases that is exactly how you are going to lose a loved one. One day you are going to be chatting with them as usual, him saying something about being a leaf and soaring, than he's gone and Joss Whedon captures it perfectly. Rest in piece you champion among pilots you are flying with the angels now.

3) The entire "Game of Thrones" series

Having a list about death in films and television and not including the series Game of Thrones has become like telling your friend about the New Testament and leaving out all the parts that have to do with Jesus. It's what you have come to expect from the series besides massive amounts of nudity and that makes it incredibly hard to limit yourself to just one death. So I pick the entire series. It has taught us a lot through these deaths. Don't trust your future in laws, don't let go your values because your head will be chopped off regardless, don't complain about getting your crown to someone who's entire occupation is war because he will give you a crown. Each scene is more traumatic than the last making you realize that getting attached to characters is probably not a great idea. In fact, let's all take a look at this series, realize that not a single person is safe and together say if Tyrion Lannister dies we will riot.

2) Colin Sullivan The Departed

And the crowd goes wild! Colin Sullivan asshole of the film finally gets his in the end. Making us realize that no evil is to go unpunished. Anyways, this movie is almost on par with the series above when it comes to death. No one was safe. Matt Damon won the prize of being the top kill for not only being a terrible prick but for his death being the most wanted of the film. Let me clarify. When I saw this movie in theaters and we saw Dignam standing there in "I'm-going-to-shoot-you gear" we were on the edge of our seats. Than when he finally put an end to this evil spawn we all clapped, this hasn't been the only movie theater cheer I have been apart of but probably the most well deserved. Besides all that Martin Scorsese can sit atop his throne of champions along side Quentin Tarantino, Steven Speilberg and Guillermo del Toro.

NOW THE MOMENT YOU HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR

#1

1) Dobby Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows pt. 1

Just kidding

1) Professor Albus Dumbledore Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

O.K. Harry Potter nerds cool your jets I didn't mean it but even if I did would you guys have minded it. Gauging all the reactions to Dobby's death in the theaters as opposed to Dumbledore's it seems like you guys would have preferred the elf. I have never heard a reaction quite like the one I heard for Dobby I know he was a bigger character in the books but he hadn't made a real appearance since the Chamber of Secrets in the movies. How attached could you really have gotten to the film version. Anyways, I digress, Dumbledore is quite possibly the most iconic death of our generation. So many spoilers came out for this before people even had the book in there hands and yet it still hit home for those who actually read it. Even if they read it years later. He was Harry's mentor, father figure, icon and friend and his death was likely to literally make the world stop where it was. An entire generation was brought back to reading from the Harry Potter series and it's author is now a billionaire (yeah, go ahead and look that up). So, when she kills off a character the audience has grown to love for years it sends a shock wave through the U.K. and the United States. And I love it. This is an author that will not pull any punches when it comes to her readership even if it does make them sad. If it is for the benefit of the story she will write it, should make Stephanie Meyer start to rethink her life decisions. The film does this scene all the justice in the world I don't care if it wasn't how you imagined it from the books it was pretty awesome to see all of the little witches and wizards standing there teary eyes and wands in the air. Kind of reminded me of a grateful dead reunion but you know I really don't care how much that made me laugh it still impressed me. So there you have it like it or not. Dumbledore is our greatest death scene of all time. The poor old bastard.

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Honorable Mention

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HM) Carlisle The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn pt. 2

I cannot tell you how much I don't care that this was not the original ending of the book. It was a superior ending and an ending that Stephanie "can't deal with death" Meyers couldn't seem to bring herself to write. I don't know if she got to attached to her own characters or was trying to think too much about her readership but this ending is forever lost to us. If this death were real it would have almost made up for the horrible plot, story telling, character development, acting, message trying to be conveyed and fans. Now, before someone tries to call me out, yes, I do like the books. I would never call me self a fan, I just sincerely didn't mind them as a time filler. For some reason I knew all the problems with the books but still ended up not minding them, even though my every instinct as a critic was telling me these books were the spawn of Satan himself. Anyways, this death would have rivaled even Dumbledore's, if anything, for its bringing an entire series around in a 180. It also would have led to the best superpower fight of all time. So, yeah, Stephanie Meyer if you ever see this please remember that this is what good writing would have looked like.