SPECIAL EDITION: The comparison of movies based on something

*Disclaimer* There will be no pictures here, just read it. I don't feel like I'm breaking any new ground with this comparison, I just thought it would be funny. I will still be coming out with a list this week.
*Warning* This post is going to contain a lot of grammar mistakes. It just dawned on me that I should make this and I didn't feel like bothering my editor with two issues this week. Pretty much, this was just too long for me to feel right about posting it as a Facebook status. I will do what I can about the errors, but I don't necessarily fix too many of my Facebook statuses. Anyways, here it is.

After watching "Mortal Instruments: City of Bones" I have come up with a comparison for movies based on books that I have read. Movies based upon books are like rolling a D20 (twenty sided dice for those of you who don't play dungeons and dragons).

You got your critical 20-18: Like "The Lord of the Rings"/"The Hobbit," where the movie leaves out a good amount of moments and characters from the book, but the fans don't care because the movie is so blindingly awesome that everyone just enjoys the ride.
Than you have 17-15: Like the "Harry Potter" series, where a fair amount of fans are pissed off by them adding to or subtracting from the books, but they don't really care because in the end they know they are going to buy all eight movies on bluray or dvd or both.
Than there is the 14-12: Like the "Hunger Games" series, where the movie is fairly accurate, sans a couple of minor annoyances, and the fans don't necessarily love it nor do they hate it. They might buy it or they will wait for it to come to Netflix.
After that you have 11-9: Like any movie based on a Stephen King novel where it is expected that they are going to mess up the ending and piss off all of his fans, but the movies themselves if looked away from the source material are amazing and live on in the horror classics. Sure to scare us anytime we watch them.
Followed by 8-6: Like the "Twilight" series, where the fans are as equally pissed off at the inaccuracies as Harry Potter fans to their movies are, but the movies spawn some weird cult following where the fans will jump in front of a freight train for Edward or Bella. The movies are horrible because of the source material but somehow the train wreck is interesting to watch.
After which you have 5-3: Like Mortal Instruments where they try to fit everything from the book into the movie in a short amount of time making it feel rushed as hell, and still leave out and add too much stuff. Not only that but make a huge reveal in the first movie that makes the rest of the series not worth watching. The movie by itself is ok but probably won't spawn any new readers.
Finally you have the fumbles 2-1: Like Percy Jackson where fans want to go to the house of every person involved in making the movie and torture them to the point of death for messing up the movie so horribly. It's like the creators skimmed the cliff notes of the book and decided to try and make money off of it anyways.

It makes me wonder how the upcoming "Fifty Shades of Grey" movie is going to do, when that is based off of shitty source material as well.
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After I thought of that, I thought about other comparisons for movies based on something and got the following.

Movies inspired by true events or based on a historical figure are like playing "Monopoly."

You get free parking upon rolling doubles for the first time and avoid anyone's property: The movie is spectacular and doesn't try to make the person into some kind of saint. In the case of inspired by true events, it tells the story in an interesting and less boring way. Like "The Social Network" or "Argo."
You roll doubles a second time and land on a hotel that takes a good portion of your finances but doesn't bankrupt you: The movie is okay but lacks vision and plays up the main character as a saint. In the case of based on true events, the movie is a bit dull, or you can tell that nothing in this movie actually happened but is still fine to watch. Like "The Conjuring" or "42."
You roll doubles a third time and land on a blue property with a hotel, you are almost forced into bankruptcy now having only one not mortgaged property with no houses or hotels, and you are in jail: The very concept of the movie is offensive to people and makes them want to boycott your film. You go to see it, thinking that if a movie is that offensive it must be worth the watch. Turns out the movie is horrible and you join the boycott out of spite for having paid to see it. If no one is starting a boycott on the movie because no one was offended you start a boycott on the film because it was just that bad. Like "30 minutes or less" or "Jobs."

It makes me wonder how the newest Nelson Mandela movie is going to do, with a great actor like Idris Elba at the helm.
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Movies based upon comic books are like flipping a coin.

Either you call it right: The movie is the best thing you have ever seen, regardless of how true it is to the source material and you will do anything in your power to make sure that it gets the box office it deserves. Like "The Avengers," "The Dark Knight," or "Sin City."
Or you call it wrong: The movie is so blatantly bad that you wait until it is in the bargain bin at gas station and buy it. Only to cover it in lighter fluid and set it on fire so its filth no longer has to infect the rest of the world. Like "Batman and Robin" or "Hulk."

Makes me wonder how the "Thor" sequel is going to do, with Natalie Portman back as the damsel in distress
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Finally, you have movies based upon video games which is like your friend getting drunk at a party and throwing up all over the place. It is funny to watch but you are still pissed because he just threw up all over your carpet. Like every movie based on a video game to date that wasn't "Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children"

Doesn't make me wonder about a damn thing, just makes me hope for something to break the cycle of horrible bullshit.

Top 12 Best Movies Based on Comic Books

Hello, loyal readers and fellow geeks, welcome to another issue of Dustin's Dirty Dozen, this week delving even deeper into the world of panels with the top 12 movies based on comic books. Before anyone gets their panties in a bunch about their favorite movies not making the list, just know that this is one of the hardest lists I have had to make to date. A lot of movies I love (based upon the source material) didn't make the list, because this is mainly for movies that can stand on their own even without the source material. I know a couple of these stray pretty far away from the comics, and some you might think can't hold up in the mainstream market of today, but its my list and my opinion, which is why I am guessing you read this in the first place. So, to make us wait no longer, let me get started.

12) Batman (1989)

Tim Burton may be one crazy son-of-a-gun, but he knows how to make a decent film every now and again. As far as live action Batmans go, Micheal Keaton will always hold a special place in my heart for his performance in this and the sequel. I thought for the longest time that no one would ever be able to top Jack Nicholson's Joker, and in some ways I was right (not taking away from Heath Ledger), especially when you take into account the type of Joker that he was (mainly based off the older comic books where Joker killed people with electric hand buzzers and laughing gas). When you take the brilliant directing, the two stars and the script, then put it all together, you get something truly amazing that has held up for over two decades. 

11) Hellboy

Another brilliant director at the helm, Guillermo del Toro, takes this film and of course gives it his own amazing touch with the convincing monster creation. Not that Ron Perlman needs any help looking like a monster in the first place, but seeing him in the red paint and shaved horns sort of made this movie as good as it was. Not to be overshadowed by the freakishly huge man, Doug Jones plays the most convincing Abe Sapien that anyone could. The scenes were gorgeous, the acting amazing, directing on a completely different echelon; the movie all in all was just outstanding.

10) Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Michael Cera's second best role in his acting career, right after the bit he played in "This is the End," and amazingly enough the character was based off of an awesome comic book. Something also has to be said for Mary Elizabeth Winstead seeming to grow some roots as a chameleon for the actress community. This movie basically just showed us that not all comic book movies have to be based on books that are serious and feature big name heroes (no, I didn't forget that the mask was originally a comic book). With stupendous visuals, some of the best acting that any actor in this movie has shown audiences before, and hilarious video game references throughout, this movie was a real winner. 

9) Captain America: The First Avenger

Of the "pre-Avengers" movies that led to eventual epic, this one was the best, by far. I'm not necessarily the biggest Captain America fan to begin with, but this movie was close to changing my mind about the character, if not making at least a step in the right direction. Chris Evans gets to add yet another comic book-based movie under his belt after already doing "The Losers," "Fantastic Four," and "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World." Hugo Weaving lends us his acting legend for the most convincing and real super villain that has come to us at the time this movie was released with The Red Skull, and Tommy Lee Jones even gets in on the action, giving us a command, albeit short lived, performance. Consider this article a written version of me holding my breath for "Captain America: Winter Soldier."

8) Kick Ass

When I first heard of this movie,, I was keeping current with the "limited" comic book series that was only four issues deep at the time. So my first reaction was "damn, Hollywood must really be stretching for ideas if they are basing a movie off of a series that isn't even complete," and never have been more wrong to make such a rash first impression. Even with it straying away from the source material at points, the movie was still gold, and most surprising of all, was filled with "no name" actors. Aaron Taylor-Johnson making a good first impression on the big screen with his Kick Ass characters, and Chloe Grace Moretz finally being able to escape the curse of playing bit characters in movies. The second most surprising part of this movie was them making Nicholas Cage actually seem like a real actor for a couple of minutes. The sequel gave us some good parts as well but couldn't quite capture the lightning in a bottle like this did. 

7) Superman (1978)

What can I say about this movie besides that without it I can almost guarantee that we would not have the comic book movies of today. The graphics may be a little (or a lot) dated to today's standards, but you just can't turn a blind eye to the movie that gave comic books some respectability on the big screen. Of course, the actors are legendary now for their roles; Christopher Reeve sets the standard for all actors that would dawn the red "S" after him (or at least should have been a point of reference in Brandon Routh's case). The scenes are going to live on in our memories forever, and hopefully one day this character can be given his due once again in years to come, even if I hate him.

6) V for Vendetta

Anarchy, Martial Law, Conspiracy: All great plot drivers for a movie and given to us brilliantly by rookie director James McTeigue. Hugo Weaving again givies us iconic and unreachable work as main character and "terrorist" V. Natalie Portman, thankfully being torn away from the "Star Wars" curse of not being able to find subsequent work after appearing in the franchise (taking a page from Harrison Ford) and finding a good home as love interest and "sidekick" Evey. Brilliant choreography, dialogue, and cinematography to join the acting and directing make this a must watch for anyone, even if you are not into the comic book world.  

5) Watchmen

Zack Snyder had to be getting a little full of himself after making this movie, when he followed it up with "Sucker Punch" and "Man of Steel" (at least "Sucker Punch" was half way decent). I guess I don't blame him with how absolutely amazing it was (given, this is definitely straying from the source material, but not dictating my decision making process). I would say for the year it was made, it had to have had the best writing I saw, when you take into account the four-year term of Nixon and how he would handle the Cuban missile crisis or just the ending itself. The acting was amazing across the board, but the two that stole the show were Jeffrey Dean Morgan as The Comedian and Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach. All in all it was original (given the source material) and inspiring, if nothing else, for future movies to think about their concepts of nudity.

4) Iron Man 3

Aww, no first "Iron Man," huh? Deal with it. Somehow, this movie managed to escape the curse of not living up to the original by being superior to the first in almost every way possible (not that the first movie was bad at all). It gave Tony Stark some much needed depth and psychological crises that the character had been calling for ever since his trip to the silver screen. It gave us the most superior Iron Man villain in comparison to any of the previous installments, and even made his character original and inspiring, made even more so by Ben Kingsley's amazing acting. It not only gave Iron Man closure, but seemingly the actor that played him as well (since the series was the main revitalizing point of his career). It gave us iconic scenes and brilliant cinematography, that, if it wasn't for Pacific Rim, would have been the best of the year, if not the decade. Something has to be said for this movie also showing us that, even after the triumph that was "The Avengers," these movies will not sit back and just expect a box office from the characters that they are attached to, but instead give us a truly amazing piece of cinema to live on in our collections and hearts. Many thanks to director Shane Black for following up "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang" with an equally amazing movie.

3) Sin City

I have a major hard on for noire-styled films, especially ones that are based off of a comic book given to us by a legend in the field, Frank Miller. Even if you take away the fact that the movie basically translated the comic book word for word (only leaving out bits and pieces, here and there), you still have an amazing piece of cinema given to us by over-the-top director, Robert Rodriguez. The cinematography was insane and showed us just what could be accomplished with the proper amount of green screen. I don't even know who I can give more respect to among the actors, when you have top performances from Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Clive Owen, Rosario Dawson, Benicio Del Toro, Tommy Flanagan, Micheal Clarke Duncan, it is almost impossible. Let's just say everyone was amazing and should be given all the respect in the world for their parts. If you haven't seen this movie yet, you seriously have to question where your values are in life, because you have missed out on one of the great movies of our generation.

  

2) The Dark Knight

If Heath Ledger was alive today, I am positive that he would have made a name for himself among the acting legends that have lived in our heads for decades. Unfortunately, he only left us with a movie which should be a standard met by any Batman movie to come (one even "The Dark Knight Rises" couldn't live up to). I guess we will all have to respect that, as sad as it is. I don't think I can really say anything about this instant classic that hasn't been said before, but I guess I'll just reinforce how absolutely astonishing this movie was. The storyline was the choice element to pay attention to in this movie, even taking into account Heath Ledger. The story gave us a hero making himself out to be the villain for the greater good, a roller coaster ride of emotions to include the fake death of a certain main character and the fall of a great citizen into darkness. Anarchy was the biggest plot device of this movie, and what better character to steer our anarchism ship then the Joker? When I said that this movie should be a standard met by any Batman movie to come, I may have been too narrow minded; I think it should be the standard for DC entertainment. Period.

1) The Avengers

If the box office and anticipation for this movie wasn't enough, the fact that this film stands alone as one of the most amazing MOVIES of all time should say something. I can't stress enough just how much respect I have for Joss Whedon for not only making this movie, but some of my favorite series of all time. Any other person might have taken one the highest grossing box offices and ran, but not him; he will be back to give us a sequel and  spin off show that both have some monstrous shoes to fill. I just love that this movie could have been the most absolutely disappointing movie of all time after being hyped up for four years, but instead gave us something to be enjoyed for the rest of our lives and our children's lives. Take your pick on the reasons why this movie was so good: acting, story, cinematography, dialogue, etc. Everything in it was superior to any other movie released during the year, and I'll even go as far as to say of our generation. So, here is to hoping that the sequel doesn't suck, but it should be hard for it to with Joss Whedon at the helm again.

Honorable Mention) X2

Of this unspeakably long series, some credit has to be given to the second installment for actually being good (not that the first one was bad necessarily). After living through the disappointments of so many sequels, we still have this movie to look back on and say "hey, at least they weren't always so shitty."

Next Time on Dustin Dirty Dozen: Top 12 Worst Movies Based on Comic Books because I haven't done a list of horrible movies in a while and I still want to talk about comics.